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I am so confused.
Ill try & keep this simple.

Ive been with my BF 4 half years - we got to know each other as friends and lived 2 hours away from each other. At the same time I was going through a really tough time - enough to make me want to move away from my hometown forever!
Anyway we met and were together instantly - I visited every weekend, I felt that he was perfect like a dream come true. After a year we moved in together and Ive been here 3 half years now.
Our relationship is good - its comfortable, we get on great, I trust him and he trusts me, we have this cosy little home together that I always dreamt of.
We are now engaged to be married within the next 18 months.
Throughout our relationship I have had so many doubts.... just that something is missing - were not passionate in our relationship really, and only ever make love every few months and given were quite young not sure if this is right? I dont have a high sex drive anyway - but were not overly compatible in the bedroom anyway - I prefer more confidence.
But given the fact hes perfect in every other way thats something I can live with.
Sometimes I feel as though im really in love and love my life and other times i feel as though somethings missing and really pine for the kind of love you see in the movies? Am I just a fantasist?
Now for the more worrying things.... I got really drunk a few weeks back on a night out - and pursued this guy working behind the bar... chatting to him, got him to have a quick dance with me for 10 minutes - he was so flattered and kept saying how attractive I was and I felt as though i really liked him and we maybe had this amazing instant attraction - knock you off your feet kind of meeting! ridiculous I know.
I took his number and was so drunk I lost it - but what was I playing at??
I was so drunk I dont even remember the getting hme and getting into bed part and was very ill! But what was I thinking?
Since then im questioning myself why did I do that? Am i just wanting this magic meeting with someone - why would I be like that if I was truly happy?

If I was too break up with my BF .... I cant imagine life without him, hes my best friend, but we dont have that spark. But I refuse to behave like that when im in a relationship. I mean I dont do things like that when im sober but still its wrong.
The thought of breaking up and hurting him hurts me.... it makes me feel sick :(
Im so scared ill make the wrong decision and break up and then regret it for the rest of my life as we are so compatible and we have never had any open doubts or break ups - we never looked back. Ive quashed my doubts so many times thinking that Im just thinking the grass is greener etc and its not. Im not the most balanced person in the world anyway so worried im just having doubts.


Does anyone have any advice? its eating me up :(





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