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Relationship Health Message Board


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I have been with my boyfriend almost 1 year. Overall, I have noticed he is very selfish. I love him to death, but his priorities always seem like number one. If things don't go his way, he throws a little temper tantrum and gets angry at everyone around him, saying things like "this is unacceptable", wanting results asap and treating others with disrespect verbally. He becomes nice and apologizes once things are settled his way. He has never taken his anger out physically, but if you try to say even the slightest of comforting words to him when he's in his anger zone, he'll say things like "shut up" "stop talking" or walk away and slam door, even stomp around the house like a child sometimes. Later, he will apologize, saying he was just upset and just not to bother him when he gets like that. This doesn't happen all the time, but just when things don't go the way he expects.

If something for him needs to get done, he will work on the issue for hours or days until he has his answer or accomplishment immediately. I love that he is motivated, but more than recently, I feel like I am in the background and that this "motivation" is maybe something else. His motivation and passion for things was what made me initially fall for him and the fact that he is by no means lazy at all - but now it just seems as if he never relaxes with me. When he comes home from work, I get a simple kiss, hug...then he is off to take a shower, watch HIS tv shows and go to bed. Sex has also decreased to only a few times a month. He will watch porn on his phone and go into the bathroom claiming he is going to the bathroom (I know what he is really doing), but he rarely wants to have sex with me. I do admit, sex IS something I can do without for long periods. But when he would rather masturbate to his phone instead of trying with me, I feel more shot down.

A major example of his selfishness - is: I am not one to go to the Dr. It took me a lot of courage to finally see a Dr the past few days (and my bf was the one always recommending it claiming he was worried abour my health). I never go to see a health professional unless it is absolutely necessary and have never been on any prescription drugs my entire life. Lately, because I have had an ongoing-potentially serious problem I finally gave in and went to get various tests done with no success on finding out what was wrong. Finally my Dr. called telling me they got my blood work back and to come in asap.

My boyfriend informed me that he was getting off work early a few hours before my Dr called because he only had one appointment booked at his work. All of a sudden, things came up and he was too busy when I told him I had to go back in for the final results (this was right after he said he was getting off early and already at home). This has been a persistent medical problem the past week and when I am finally getting results, my bf informs me he is now Not getting off work early. He said this morning he would try and when *I* text him he called right afterwards and said he now couldn't. I cried because I was disappointed, not mad -- and he just said "great, now you're making *ME* feel bad. Things came up, *I* have had a crazy day, Whatever" and hung up on me.

Maybe I somewhat expect my boyfriend to care, but I am lucky if I get an "are you okay?" Once I answer the question, that's it. I don't feel consoled and I feel alone. It's always I, I or me, me. I am not one to go around and seek attention. That's just not me. I don't blame him for not getting off work, but part of me just resents him over not even trying. I know if my father or mother were here (even some of my past boyfriends) they would have done everything possible in their power to be there for me and I would have done the same out of concern. My boyfriend doesn't even try.

If it were an issue of his, he would make sure he had the time to do it.
I don't ask a lot of my boyfriend. I don't nag him. For the most part, I mind my own business. I am a very quiet and shy individual, and appreciative of others' help. It's hard for me to ask others for help and when I am shot down like this, I feel helpless. I go in for my appointment today - without my boyfriend. His father was kind enough to go with me, but it's just not the same.

I'm just venting and not sure how to really approach this situation.





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