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Why do men do this?
Jan 14, 2011
I met this great guy on an online dating site. After texting all day, every day for 5 days while I was away for the holidays, we met and had a great first date (that lasted 6 hours!). Since then, we've seen each other 12 out of 14 days, I've spent the night several times, only to sleep, and would spend the entire day texting each other during work. Fortunately it's been slow there...ha ha! I felt so comfortable with him; it was like we've known each other forever. He would tell me constantly how much he liked me, that he likes how much we have in common, that I make him laugh and smile a lot...and twice told me he was falling for me. Tuesday night I was at his house and told him I was molested as a child and wanted to take things slow. He said he was okay with that, but made a comment that the past 3 girls he'd met said the same thing and "did he attract that, what did he do to deserve that." Now, I don't know how they were, but I've accepted it as something horrible I had to endure as a child but has made me stronger in the long run. Long story short, I don't let it define who I am. Anway, the next morning he seemed a little distant but okay, telling me to call the office to see if I had a snow day and could stay longer, sent me off to work with a kiss and...nothing. He replied to a few texts I'd sent but they didn't seem like they usually did. I thought maybe he was just upset about the night before or that it was my imagination, so I stopped saying anything to see what would happen. He did text me that night but very generic conversation, then nothing again until I said good night, and once again nothing the next morning (he ALWAYS texts me first thing when he wakes up to say good morning). Against my better judgment, I texted him around 11 asking if I had done something that made him seem to suddenly stop talking to me and he replied, "No, I just have a lot going on, I'm seeing my ex girlfriend tonight so I have a lot on my mind." I replied that I felt it was because I'd wanted to take things slower, and his response was "sorry you feel that way." I haven't heard a peep since then. I'm trying to chalk it up that he really does just have a lot going on since he's a teacher and it's the end of the semester and he just lost a day this week and has another next week because of the holiday, because he seemed to really like me and was always the one telling me he wanted to see me, that he missed me if we weren't together, and when we were together, he gave me no cause to make me think he was just feeding me lines. He would have a huge smile on his face the second I walked in the door and always wanted to be in some kind of contact.

He had told me New Year's Eve that he'd hidden his dating profile because he wasn't sure he was ready to start dating, and I was okay with it as I was just starting to date again after an 8-month relationship (my profile is still visible). I know it's only been 2 weeks (3 if you count our marathon text sessions), and I know we were by no means in a relationship, but i really miss talking to him and feel like it is a breakup. I'm hoping by not contacting him he'll come around, but my question is why do guys just disappear like this? I went through a period 2 years ago where 3 guys acted interested but suddenly disappeared with no explanation, and I'm not someone who plays games and don't like people playing them with me. We have feelings, and it hurts when you do this...don't say you like a girl and want to go out if you have no intention of following through! Sorry, I just needed to vent, I guess...I feel slightly better.

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