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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He had cheated on me in several ways early in the relationship and admitted to it eventually. It was rough but we worked through it and he gained my trust back. He is younger than me and less experienced, in fact he has hardly any experience in relationships. He doesn't know how to love someone it seems, although he says he loves and cares about me.

Things were okay for a while and eventually he started to get insecure. he would get angry at me and accuse ME of cheating. I showed him nothing but loyalty and love and ALWAYS reassured him I was not doing anything. He also got insecure because YEARS ago in college I had hooked up with a few guys that didn't turn out to be boyfriends. He always got mad at me for having more 'hookups' than he has had. even though i tell him i love him and those are all in the past. it seems like he wants to even the score for some reason. he has an ego problem.

He went away for a trip to another country for 2 weeks in January and met a girl on the trip. They had sex, not sure how much. And they continued this affair back home. As recent as this past weekend. And then he had sex with me a few days later.

In the meantime he was acting strange around me for weeks. Ignoring my calls. Making me go crazy. He told me he just needed some breathing room because we hungout too much. I understood that and tried hard. Several times I did not call him for days. His weirdness was driving me crazy because it was the same weirdness of the last time he cheated. I almost knew. I was with him one night and a text popped up on his phone from a girl (the one he met on the trip). It was the kind of text people send when they want to meet up late at night. He told me to ignore it and he wasn't going to reply and that he was with me. I was believing him but then i found a hair clip under his bed. he said he didn't know who it belonged to but sometimes friends came over. Eventually it came to a point where he had to confess because he saw i was going CRAZY. he told me. and then he started to act weird any time i wanted to talk about it. I had to go crazy and come over to his house to get him to talk to me about it :( on the phone he kept on avoiding the topic or changing the subject.

So we finally talked a lot and he seemed like he didn't know what he wanted. he wanted me of course. but he didn't want to kick her to the curb.

Eventually after hours of talking in bed and holding me he tells me he will be with me, but I have to give him space. I said i could give him space if he does not cheat on me. I asked him to tell the other girl that he could no longer be friends with her, isn't that reasonable? He won't do it for some reason. I asked him to promise me he would not be with her again and he would ignore texts and calls from her, he said he would.

But still I am not really satisfied with that, I get worried that he will cave in if she calls him. Why won't he just tell her goodbye? He wants to keep her friendship it seems. And it is driving me nuts.

Everyone tells me to leave him, but I do not want to. Please understand I really love him despite the fact that he has hurt me a lot. I can't explain it :(

And I'm afraid to tell him more about this for fear of making him upset. I'm supposed to be giving him 'space' and not calling him like a crazy woman. :(
Have you ever heard that saying "love isn't enough?" This is why they say it. You can love him all you want, but if he doesn't love you back in a way that is healthy and mutually beneficial, then it doesn't matter how much you love him, and that's just the cold hard awful truth of it. You can't love him into loving you. Just because you love someone doesn't automatically obligate them to love you back.

He won't tell the other girl to get lost because he doesn't want to. Why should he stop hanging out with her when he can have you both so easily? He knows all he has to do is get mad, threaten to leave you, and he can get you to take whatever he wants to dish out. He likes having her around, and will probably go to bed with her again sometime soon. He's just not that into you. He may say he loves you and cares about you, but he doesn't TREAT you like he does, so who cares about all the sweet words? Men know what you want to hear for the moment, so they say the words, but it's their actions that speak louder in this kind of situation. He's making it very clear by the way he treats you that you're not that important to him. "Space" is guyspeak for "you're Miss Right Now, not Miss Right." You can either continue to drive yourself crazy chasing after someone who isn't into you, beg and plead him to love you the way you want him to until he finally gets tired of lying to you and dumps you, or you can gather your self esteem and strength and walk, and free yourself up to find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved. It's not "acting like a crazy woman" to expect the man you love to want to be with you, to be honest, attentive, loving and respectful to you. Love only makes you crazy when it's one-sided. The choice is totally up to you.





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