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Sorry- this is long. it's 4 years pretty much sumed up.

My boyfriend of nearly 4 years just recently broke up with me. It's a bit devestating. We were together for 3 years, then he moved out and I later learned he was addicted to cocaine, suffered from alcoholism (thought that was possible while dating) and was cheating. He spent 5 months away from me. We both "moved on" and dated others, but then he tried coming back. After months of pursuing me I gave in, as he made the annoucement he'd go to rehab and strive to be healthier.

Things were so much better. He was clean and sober and we could again talk like human beings to each other. Without the tension, and anger. He took responsibility for things that he did in the past, and I tried to be understanding. I also acknowledged some passive agrressive tendancies I had when we lived together. Then on our very first day of couples therapy, he told me he wasn't depressed, that he actually is bipolar and he just found out. I think this was hard news for him to digest, but he had only told me moments before we stepped into our appointment.

After our hour, and what I consider a great session, he sat with me in my car and was totally explosive towards me, and said hurtful cruel things. Truthful feelings perhaps, but everything was said to be hurtful, and he was so cold. I later learned this was mania-

The next day he called to apologize, but only got more mad at me when he felt like I didn't understand, because I said some of the things he said were very hurtful. For the next two weeks I researched and learned everything I could about his illness. I just knew that he came back to me, and I knew what we have...err, had and I wanted to stand by him to be a support to him no matter what. Well, during this time, he became very distant. He didn't share any progress, or feelings, or thoughts. He spent a lot, too much actually with a female from his group who suffered from depression. I mentioned to him that I didn't think it was appropriate to spend alone time with her, as he had me, and she had her boyfriend, and they should be getting support outside the group- but I was told it was fine. Later I found out he and she developed feelings for eachother. Thankfully she acknowledged her feelings were false and developed from the hardships she was facing, and he was there when she needed somone- she stayed with her boyfriend.

Since the night he told me, I told him that it was good nothing further happened then them discussing their feelings and I understand bipolar enough to know his meds are off, he's still in mania, and he's confused, but he should have told me before, when I asked, when he first knew.

After that I think we broke up, but to be honest, we didn't even talk about it. After almost 4 years we're not speaking and he's told me he's very happy now. He's sees everything very clearly. This is his path, and he wants to live his life. It's as if he didn't have any other feelings other than this. He brought up our pasts and essentially blamed me for treating him poorly, neglecting any responsibility. I am so unsure if this is him, or bipolar. Is this normal behavoir?

I know I have to walk away because this roller coaster is very hurtful. He has also expressed this is what he wants. He can have all the space he needs. I do not want to interrupt his recovery. I also do not want to fight for someone who doesn't see the big picture for us. Am I awful for giving up? I'm so hurt, an he's delighted with his new choices. After 4 years he didn't even show me the respect to discuss what he's feeling or what happened, he's just gone.

Anyone been through this before?
Well, here's an update. I feel like my life has turned into a soap opera. Needless to say the events I'm about to tell you have at least helped me acknowledge I should run away now while I can.

I believe he's just a sick sociopath.

On Valentine's Day, as I may have mentioned he loved me, cared for our relationship. Two days later he took a female from his support group out of town for a party. Told me the next day he was confused but didn't want to break up, that he's just impulsive. I ended it then. She decided wanted to stay with her boyfriend.

Then by Friday, he was crying to me saying he wanted to kill himself and was wearing makeup and seemed very unwell.

By Sunday, he was dating a 21 year old (he's 27) he had also met in group. He all of sudden was happier, and seeing things clearly. This girl is also friends with the other one he liked!? Red flags ladies, come on!?

So now I find all of this out. In the meantime he had been talking to me. Telling me all he knows is he loves me, but doesn't know what that means anymore, and that he feels like he's in a dream. That when he's out of the dream his heart breaks, and he cries, but he can't remember the last 4 years.

When I found out about the new girlfriend, I told him I was dead to him and never again speak to me. He responded with anger, then the you're wonderful, and I'm sorry I hurt you, it was never my intention garbage.

He hadn't even been single 3 days before dating this girl. He had even thought in the middle of those 3 days he liked someone else?

I am sick that the last 4 years of my life amounted to this. I am embarassed of how he portrayed our realtionship. Of course my ego is bruised, but it's so much more than that. I just have been so disrespected. I want so badly for him to hurt this much. I want karma to kick his ass.

Just thought I'd share this.
I'm not too interested in moving on right away. After 4 years and the highs and lows of dating an alcholic, addict who has a mental illness, I need to take some time off.

My ex, is fully engaged in his new girlfriend (the 21 year old he met in group, who also suffers from depression). I made the mistake of responding to a text, and let him get the best of me. He was deflective and cold, and could care less that I feel like I hate him. He said that's too bad for me basically. He is very defensive of his relationship. He basically defended her with no cause to me, and further explained that his new realtionship is, "strong, healthy, supportive and fun." That he talks to his therapist about this a "ton" and he has a lot of calrity on the matter.

I have no idea if he tells the truth in therapy. I have no idea if he's clean. I have no idea really about anything in his life. All I know is he has decided to rush into a relationship two days after we broke up, a day after he thought he might have feelings for a different girl in his group- and the last 4 years don't seem to exist in his brain anymore.

Granted, we may have been doomed to fail. I understand that in the first year of recovery you should focus on yourself and be single. Along with that our past baggage and issues, it was a lot for both of us, maybe more so for him, actually definitely more so for him. I did feel that we were going in the right direction, and then he got "healthy" and I got pushed out of the picture. I keep reminding myself that I did everything I could, that I was supportive, that I loved him, and this is his choice and I can't change that. I know I can only control what I do from here.

I just can't believe this has all happened. I can't believe that after working for this, mending what was broken for so long, he just- POOF decides this new girl is the best thing, and I'm history. I just have to believe it.

I have decided to continue therapy to work through this. I have made the decision no matter what he does to contact me, to ignore him and disengage. His words mean nothing anymore. The love he said he had for me, is someone else's love now- his actions say everything, and I only get hurt when I stop and listen to him.
Well, it's been a while since I wrote here. Since the last time I wrote, my ex and I reconnected once. He had been dating this girl he met at his inpatient program who suffers from depression. At the time she was 21 he's 27 to remind you where it left off. They had been dating from about mid-Feb to sometime in May. He then broke up with her, and we talked for a couple of days. While nothing really happened I was hopeful that he had realized the rush of everything, and he admitted to being "out of control" and making the wrong choices. He was set to move out of his sister's place, and into his own apartment, was getting a new car, and lining up some good gigs, more or less acting like a grown up. Long story short, he went back to her in a week.
He kind of dropped off the face of the planet again, and while it was heartbreak all over again, it had to be. He and I have too much damage, and as someone who believes in love, it takes two people who want to fight for it, not just one.

At this time, he over this past weekend moved in with his girlfriend- they've been dating 4-5 months with that minor hiccup when he broke up with her. In the time between we talked and he went back to her, in an email conversation he for some reason admitted to me that he cheated on her 5 times in the month of June.

It's unbelievable that he went through with the move, but he did. I'm happy I'm not her. In a matter of two weeks after his confession email, in another email, which was one of the worst emails and most crude things I've ever read he told me he changed, and has been faithful to her ever since. Unfortunatley, I know that's not true, and if so, about the not cheating, well that will change. He has stopped seeing his therapist, and has returned to drinking. I have no idea what's happening with his meds, and I really don't care. His email ended with, "go f*ck yourself" and that's how 4 years of having someone I thought I loved, someone I considered my closest friend ended.

So here I am, I actually moved this past weekend too. Found a lot of his old stuff, and tossed everything. I'm in a new place, without his memories surrounding me everywhere, for the most part. I mean I still have my furniture that I remember him on, like all those times he slept on the couch, haha. It's so hard to move past this, and not feel sad. I try everyday to realize how much better my life is without all his drama, and lies. Even as rational as I can be when considering what I'd have if I was still with him, for some reason I'm still sad. It's very true you can't chose who you love, you also can't make yourself stop. Some days are good, some are bad- but he's gone. For the first time since I've known him I can say that he and I are really done associating with one another. Careful who you let into your life, and good luck to that girl. Eventually he'll crush her like he crushed me, and with her already existing issues, I just hope she isn't destroyed by it.

Good luck for that matter to anyone out there who fell for someone destructive.





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