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Sorry- this is long. it's 4 years pretty much sumed up.

My boyfriend of nearly 4 years just recently broke up with me. It's a bit devestating. We were together for 3 years, then he moved out and I later learned he was addicted to cocaine, suffered from alcoholism (thought that was possible while dating) and was cheating. He spent 5 months away from me. We both "moved on" and dated others, but then he tried coming back. After months of pursuing me I gave in, as he made the annoucement he'd go to rehab and strive to be healthier.

Things were so much better. He was clean and sober and we could again talk like human beings to each other. Without the tension, and anger. He took responsibility for things that he did in the past, and I tried to be understanding. I also acknowledged some passive agrressive tendancies I had when we lived together. Then on our very first day of couples therapy, he told me he wasn't depressed, that he actually is bipolar and he just found out. I think this was hard news for him to digest, but he had only told me moments before we stepped into our appointment.

After our hour, and what I consider a great session, he sat with me in my car and was totally explosive towards me, and said hurtful cruel things. Truthful feelings perhaps, but everything was said to be hurtful, and he was so cold. I later learned this was mania-

The next day he called to apologize, but only got more mad at me when he felt like I didn't understand, because I said some of the things he said were very hurtful. For the next two weeks I researched and learned everything I could about his illness. I just knew that he came back to me, and I knew what we have...err, had and I wanted to stand by him to be a support to him no matter what. Well, during this time, he became very distant. He didn't share any progress, or feelings, or thoughts. He spent a lot, too much actually with a female from his group who suffered from depression. I mentioned to him that I didn't think it was appropriate to spend alone time with her, as he had me, and she had her boyfriend, and they should be getting support outside the group- but I was told it was fine. Later I found out he and she developed feelings for eachother. Thankfully she acknowledged her feelings were false and developed from the hardships she was facing, and he was there when she needed somone- she stayed with her boyfriend.

Since the night he told me, I told him that it was good nothing further happened then them discussing their feelings and I understand bipolar enough to know his meds are off, he's still in mania, and he's confused, but he should have told me before, when I asked, when he first knew.

After that I think we broke up, but to be honest, we didn't even talk about it. After almost 4 years we're not speaking and he's told me he's very happy now. He's sees everything very clearly. This is his path, and he wants to live his life. It's as if he didn't have any other feelings other than this. He brought up our pasts and essentially blamed me for treating him poorly, neglecting any responsibility. I am so unsure if this is him, or bipolar. Is this normal behavoir?

I know I have to walk away because this roller coaster is very hurtful. He has also expressed this is what he wants. He can have all the space he needs. I do not want to interrupt his recovery. I also do not want to fight for someone who doesn't see the big picture for us. Am I awful for giving up? I'm so hurt, an he's delighted with his new choices. After 4 years he didn't even show me the respect to discuss what he's feeling or what happened, he's just gone.

Anyone been through this before?





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