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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

For women, unfortunately, pretty is power. On the one hand I can understand you feeling insecure about an ex girlfriend and fretting a bit that she may be prettier than you, simply because, beauty is considered such a great asset in our culture. If you're pretty, you have a lot, no matter if you're stupid, incompetent, or just an awful, mean-spirited, selfish person, it doesn't matter if you're really pretty. And if you're not pretty, you can be smart as a whip, efficient, and kind-hearted, and sometimes it doesn't seem to be as important as some chick who's hot, even if that's all she's got.

BUT...that having been said - you are what you are, and she is what she is, and the most important thing she is, is his EX. And she's his EX for a reason. Now, it was a little unclear in your post, but you said she's in Germany, and he speaks German, and that bothers you? Do you mean that when he speaks German it reminds you that he's got an ex there and that bothers you, or did you mean he still speaks to her on the phone and still keeps in contact with her? Because if he does still keep in contact with her, I can understand that bothering you. BUT if they've broken off all contact, he doesn't mention her or speak with her anymore, then I'd say your problem is not perhaps having to compete with an ex girlfriend who's hotter than you. Your problem would be that you are dealing with some fairly significant insecurities, that are yours to deal with, and it's not fair of you to make your insecurities his problem. "Is she prettier than me?" is right up there with "do these jeans make my butt look big?" as far as turning men off and driving them away. If he's not giving you any good reason to be suspicious that he may go back to her or secretly misses her and wishes he could still be with her, and this whole "Is she prettier than me?" thing is just a wild hair you've gotten in yoour ear, then you really need to find a way to get past it and just let it be, or you'll drive him away, either right back to her, or to another woman, who may or may not be prettier than you, but who no doubt will be secure enough not to care.

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