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Hi guys and gals

I know people have a lot more serious problems than mine, believe me I know. It seems petty, but there are many other underlying problems I'm experiencing, and since this dinner is the most recent, I thought I'd bring it up. He truly is a wonderful man (then why am I posting you wonder) and very caring, generous and loves me to bits, which is why this has hurt me so much:


My boyfriend*Chris and I have been together for just over a year. We went out for his sister, *Samantha's birthday dinner the other night, with some of her friends. A couple, *Gail & her fiancee *Brandon. One she works with, *Lindsey & then her friend, *Karen & one was a friend of Samantha's from school, *Chantell, who sat next to Chris on his left, I was on his right. Lindsey & Karen were opposite him & me respectively.

My problem or whatever you want to call it, is, that he totally ignored me all night. He chatted to Chantell for quite some time, I don't feel threatened by her, but he was very interested in her new venture & he obviously knows her through his sister having gone to school with her. He is a very inquisitive guy, so I didn't really mind.

But as for Lindsey, she is engaged to someone & we, my bf & I found out (much later, after dinner at this club we went to afterwards) that they had postponed or called off their wedding, but she still wears her engagement ring (more about the ring later), so they are still together & she spoke about him at dinner (ie why he didn't come). Chris is a very friendly person, but not a flirt or chatter-upper.

Anyway, Lindsey started getting "friendly" (not in a physical sense) but just in the way she was with him at dinner. Like Chris was going to order water for the table, he wanted sparkling, but I said to the waiter, "can we make it still?" Chris said he wanted sparkling & then Lindsey pipes up & says "Sparkling". So I just said to the waiter, "Could you bring us a bottle of each please" & Chris looks at me almost confused, I said "compromise" (I was very hurt by this water story). Why didn't Chris take my suggestion, isn't it gentlemanly to take your girlfriend's preference? And who is Lindsey to get involved. I know it was "water for the table", but funny thing is, when the waiter brought the 2 bottles of water, & went around offering the guests water, Lindsey said she didn't want any as she was busy with a drink!! :eek:

Chris also usually asks me what I'm having, & he didn't, he didn't even ask me how my meal was once we'd started eating (it was disgusting by the way and I'd last my appetite I think because of this problem and because I'd had a few tit-bits of the complementary starter they put on the table & a stomach ache).

He didn't hold my hand while waiting for the food to arrive/or be ordered, he didn't put a hand on my leg or anything. One of three times he interacted with me was 1) to ask me if I wanted some of his dish, 2) if he could have some of my water (he'd finished the bottle of sparkling all on his own & some still water was left in my glass) and 3) I think he asked if I was ok (maybe he sensed I was quiet all of a sudden. I am generally shy around new people) & I just told him I stomach ache. While we were eating, Lindsey says to Chris "Hows your food Chris?". Then I thought she'd maybe ask me too, just to be polite - and she didn't.

He spoke to Chantell, Samantha (who was next to me at the head of the table), Gail, Brandon, Lindsey - not to me. But it's not like he was talking to the table at large, he was quite pointed in his chatter to people.

Oh, another thing. Someone, I forget who Chris or Lindsey (before everyone else had arrived) asked, there were 2 different sized wine glasses on the table, why are there so many wine glasses on the table. So I said one is for red and one is for white wine and explained which was which (having taken Home Ec as a subject at school, I felt confident in my answer), and the conversation on that ended. Now a little while after Samantha arrived, doesn't Chris go & ask her again about the glasses. UM HELLO-I'd already told him and the other 2 (Lindsey & Karen). They definitely heard my explanation earlier as there was only the four of us so it was quiet, so what the heck?? Again, I'm hurt. (but he always does this kind of thing. Sometimes when we're out shopping, he'll ask me my opinion on a brand of something and I tell him, and then he says, let me phone my mom or my sister and see what they use/think-I've fought with him about this before and said well then don't ask my opinion/advice anymore)

Anyway, so we go to the club later. He asks me do I want to pay entrance fee or must he-WHAT? He had no problem paying 2 weeks ago when we went there on our own (granted he just paid for everyone's dinner) and he always pays for our outings. Look, I'm not complaining, I also insist on paying for things like lunches and dinners and tickets, because I feel bad that he pays for everything. Bear in mind that I'm an old fashioned girl, who is brought up in the way that the man must make the first move and the man must pay. I've never expected him to hold car doors open for me or hold a chair out for me, but I do expect him to let me or other ladies enter through a door first, that type of thing.

Anyway at the club is where we find out about Lindsey & her fiancee's (and Gail and Brandon's too for that matter) wedding postponement. So I say quietly to Chris, "they must still be together because she still has her engagement ring on" to which he replies "Really (he uses this word often when surprised), I didn't even notice that. I forgot what *John taught me [a friend of his he used to work with] and didn't notice that [the ring on that finger]". :mad: I don't remember verbatim what he said, but that's the gist of it. Now I'm upset {yet again, but try to hide it} & say to him "why would you need to look out for that, you have a me". He says "no man, when I was single" (John is something of a womaniser, Chris isn't).

But still, why would Chris say that, why was he behaving this way all night? :confused: It's not like we had a fight or something before the dinner that would prompt this behaviour, we were our usual selves. Then we arrive at the dinner table, Chris was on the phone with a colleague, so I introduce myself to Lindsey and Karen (something I wouldn't do so boldly because I'm chronically shy), but he was on the phone so had no choice. Normally I follow someone elses lead when confronted with strangers because they may know them and can make introductions. Once he's off the phone, he intros himself etc and we're all strangers, so Chris and I sort of chat a bit and tease each other. Then his sister and Celeste arrive and things went downhill from there.

I also watched Gail and Brandon to guage how they were with one another, so that I can see if I'm maybe over-reacting. Was he chatting to her only at any point, were there PDA's. Yes and yes. While they ate, he was talking to her and vice versa.

Please help guys :( And please don't lambaste me, I'm just confused and don't need any hurtful comments.

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