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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=caberg;4715944]I guess it depends on what level the relationship is at. The idea of "secrets" and "obligations" and what does and does not "concern you" has no place in a good, solid relationship. Just dating, sure, I guess you can have all this stuff--boundaries, maybe. "On a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know..."

But eventually, if you're going to be in a committed relationship, you share everything with your mate. Not because it concerns him or her, or there's an obligation to share anything, you just do. It's your best friend, the person you talk to about anything and everything, just because.[/QUOTE]


I happen to disagree, but that's just my opinion. If my best friend confided in me about an issue, especially one involving her body and a tough decision, and asked me to keep it a secret, I would. I think doing that shows trust. If I told my boyfriend "secrets" my friends told me, and he knew I wasn't supposed to say anything about those "secrets", don't you think he might question whether or not I'm sharing any of his secrets with my best girl friends? But anyways. The situation with my ex ended because he got a really good job offer out of state and decided to take it. We hadn't been dating long, maybe 6 or 7 months and to be honest, I was glad to see it end because his jealousy was driving me nuts. The man I am with now, we have been together almost a year. I still have that same group of guys friends and it's not an issue. When he asks about them, it's never in a threatening or accusing way. He'll ask pretty much in the same way he would ask about my day at work. I've told him stories about them and our fun times, and he has met them on several occasions and they get along quite well. I think one of the toughest challenges of being in a serious relationship is not losing your identity. I live with my boyfriend so we see each other quite often. I still want to keep some of my own individuality so I often arrange for nights out without him, hanging out with both my guy and girl friends and it's never been a problem. Maybe because he's met them and seen us interact and knows that these are guys I've been friends with for over 10yrs. The last thing is this, and it's hard to hear, but if this girl is going to be unfaithful to you, there really isn't anything you can do to stop it. And if it's not with this guy you are concerned with, it will be someone else. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a long heart to heart. You need to outlay all your fears about this guy and figure out what is truly going on. I wouldn't do it in a accusing way though, she will only become defensive. Lastly, keep in mind that everyone has a past and shouldn't be judged for it. As it happens, I used to date one of the guys in my group of friends. It wasn't for a long time, maybe only 2-3 months and we realized that we were better of as friends and stopped the romantic relationship before we ruined the friendship. Did this bother my current boyfriend that I was still friends with a guy I dated? Of course it did! But at 27yrs old, he also knows that I have dated men before I met him and it doesn't really bother him. Maybe it's because I was honest about it, or maybe it's because he met the guy and knew off the bat that he isn't my type to be with romantically, but at any rate, the trust is there.





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