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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hey Guys,

I have recently started dating my new boyfriend. We have only been dating 5 months or so. Prior to this, I was in a 4 year dysfunctional back-and-forth relationship with a guy who was very controlling, jealous and possessive. I have finally let that go but I am struggling. I have been in this dysfunctional relationship for so long, I dont even know "how" to feel normal.

For instance my ex was very clingy and needy. He wanted to spend every waking minute with me. He was quite dependent and he didnt really have a life outside of me. I was so used to him dropping everything for me. In a sense, I called the shots bec he was always available and would make himself available for me. With the new bf, clearly since he is NORMAL, he doesnt act this way. He has his own life and his own circle of friends. He does other things. I know this is normal but why is it I feel so insecure?

When Im single, I feel so confident about myself. Perhaps because Im being pursued and the ball is in my court. But now that Im in a relationship and things have settled down... I feel threatened by other girls. And sometimes I compare. It makes me so sick to my stomach. Im so shocked and horrified that I feel this way. I always thought I was a very confident, sassy gal... wth happened to me? How do I stop feeling this way? How do I just stop worrying that he will lie or do something? My ex used to interrogate me all the time and take me thru some changes. He didnt trust me and he always tried to catch me... I feel like Im being this way.

Today, I got on FBook and me and my bf just got back from a cruise. So our profile pic is pretty much a picture of both of us. I pulled it up and I thought it was mine, i wasnt really paying attention. Anyways it was his. I then saw that he was "tagged" by coworkers but yet the pictures were not showing. So i knew he "untagged" himself. I clicked on the notification and it directed me to the pictures that he was initially tagged in. These pics were at a bar he went to Sunday - it was a get together bec on of his male co workers were leaving the state for good - he told me that night that he wanted me to come but it was just all the boys. I told him it was no biggie since I had to study anyways. these pictures had females in it (co workers as well). it just made me wonder why he would untag them? So that I wont see? Anyways, best way to know is to ask. So i asked him and he said he untagged himself because some of the guys had their middle finger up and there were beer and alcohol in the pics. My bf's family runs a business and they have asked him to help. So he says he untag the pics because it doesnt look good to have alcohol and pics of ppl with their middle fingers up in the air when he is not trying to project that sort of image on his page. I respect that but I dont know if I believe that is the real reason. And i feel terrible for even doubting him. I kind of wonder maybe we are seeing each other too much. I see him practically every day and he spends the nights at my apartment almost every night. Do I just need space from him? I want space but then I also dont. Im seriously acting, thinking and soundling like a crazy person.

Im just sick and tired of feeling this way. How do I heal? How do I work on trusting? and most importantly how do I get the confident me back? I dont know why i have started feeling this way so suddenly. I feel so distraught and confused.





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