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Relationship Health Message Board

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I’m 27 and I’ve been in a relationship for about two years now. I really love being with my girlfriend. I met her when I first moved to Seattle after grad school and we starting dating pretty much immediately. We explored the city together and became extremely close…and have shared a lot. We both have other friends, but we hang out with each other the most. Anyway, I absolutely love having her as my companion. We do a lot together from watching movies to hiking to dancing.

But I for some reason find myself wanting to take a break from being in a relationship…and part of me wants to enjoy my independence and being single again. And I also feel the need to want to date a little more. Especially now that I’m older and actually have a solid income. I would never EVER think about cheating on my girlfriend…but twice now I have really fallen hard for another woman…and had to instantly just cut off communication to get over the other girl.

So I’m just confused I guess. There are times when I feel lonely and really want to be with my girlfriend…and it’s wonderful to have her to talk to and hold and fall asleep with. But then there’s other times when I’m feeling overwhelmed (she wants to move in together and we’re planning an overseas trip that we’ll be going on in a few months, that we've already paid for. I tried to hold off on booking the trip, because I knew how I was feeling, but she was really adament about buying it.)…and I just want to be free to date.
I by no means want to sleep around. That’s not my thing. But I do want to engage with different personalities. Not to sound like the biggest jerk ever…but it’s really easy for me to talk and flirt with women. And I really like getting to know a woman who’s got a phenomenal, charming, witty personality. Like I said, I’ve come into contact now with two women who completely blew me away…and I had such a great connection…that I felt guilty and basically shutdown communication with those women after any prolonged contact.

My girlfriend also has a banging personality. We had a phenomenal connection when we first met, which is why we're dating. But we’ve had some really bad downs (which took a tole on our relationship for me)…but a lot of really great ups…just like any relationship. Though I find myself feeling less attracted to my girlfriend as a boyfriend as time goes on…and more attracted to her as a really awesome friend.

Although, the thought of breaking up with her terrifies me. She’d be devastated. I’d be lost and confused without her, and I’d probably regret it. Then I’d only see loving couples all around me who are extremely happy…and think “What the hell did I do? That’s what I want…a relationship!” Plus, when I turn the tables and imagine her breaking up with me…I think about how devastated I’d be myself and how much I wouldn’t want to lose her in my life.

So like I said, I’m confused. Do I love my current girlfriend because she’s such a great companion and friend to have in this world? I mean, you want your girlfriend/wife to also be your best friend. But, what if I start feeling that that’s all she is…is a great friend to have. Meanwhile, I find myself wanting to date other women, and less sexually attracted to my own girlfriend. I think it’s easy for someone to say…”Dude, just be lucky with what you have. I wish I had a girlfriend…but I’m alone. Just love her.”

But there’s something about that advice that’s a little unsatisfying. Anyway, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with her. I used to think that she was the one, but not so much anymore. At the same time though, I feel like I'd be really lonely without her in my life right now.

So any advice into what I'm feeling?

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