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hi Princess, I'm sorry you're going through this, it hurt! I know. I've been there, I'm just an old hillbilly, so what I say may not be as eloquent as others? but its me. where I come from,-- the deep mountains of North Carolina, we do things differently than most folks? we handle our business ourselves. nobody I know in my family including extended family, that's from them thar mountains, has ever ween a counselor or therapist, that I know of? there just ain't any within 100-150 miles! driving those mountain roads would take all day, if you found one? but we do get justice our own way, revenge is so sweet when served cold! so I'll tell you my story which I've never shared here on health boards.

I met my wife in August 1977, from the beginning we were pretty much inseparable, within a few months she had moved into my home with her son and me and my daughter from previous marriages for each of us. I had been trying to build my own construction company for a while when we met. I made enough $ for my daughter and I to live, but not much extra if any? her job was about 2 hours commute each way, the $ weren't worth the trip. so, she quit her job, and began working for a temp. agency just taking jobs closer to home. we got married in August 1980. I was still working for myself, after a few months she was working a temporary job, that offered her a full time position with good benefits. she took the job. she got paid every two weeks, during this time, I was doing a lot of work for the state of PA. on houses it had ought up in order to put new roads in. I made great money doing that. but, and a big BUT! I would put a bid in on a job today at today's prices and costs, maybe 6-8 months later they'd send a letter saying I'd won the bid. and I'd have to do the job at my original bid price. I'd do the job and submit my bill, the problem was- contractors were #9 on the list to be paid each month after medicare, welfare and others. meaning it may be 6-8 maybe 9 months before I'd be paid. I remember the first Christmas after we got married, it was 3 weeks before Christmas, we hadn't had money to shop for ourselves or the two kids. the state sent me a check for about $12,500, it was on the table and between us both we didn't have the money to buy gas to go cash the check! had to borrow from my sister next door. we made it through that first year by the skin of our teeth, but was able to have a nice Christmas.

by the spring of 1981, she was coming home from work every day mentioning this guy's name, just for any reason she could come up with. a dirty joke he told her that day. just any reason at all to say his name like a giddy schoolgirl! this went on a few months, just that name. after a few months she'd get home from work on Friday afternoon, the first couple times she said she was going out with some girls from work for dinner, later she'd call saying she'd be home Sunday. after a few weeks of this she didn't even come home Friday afternoons. she'd just tell me she'd be home Sunday I knew in my heart and head she was cheating! but I didn't want to believe it. anyway wasn't long before I got tired of it! she always left her son at home with me. sorry this is so long but I'm getting to the hillbilly way. one Friday morning before I left for work I told her when I got home I didn't want her or her son to be there! oh I forgot, the Sunday before telling her this, when she came home Sunday evening, I had every thing she owned in my house set out on the front porch, I met her at the door after I unlocked it and told her to pack it all in the car with her son and just go. she begged me to let them stay that week for her to think. I finally agreed. but Friday morning was it. I got home from work Friday afternoon they were gone, no note no nothing to get in touch with her. they'd went to one of her old girlfriends about half way between my house and her work. she'd get up each morning, drive her son to school, then on to work, being late. then have to leave work early going the other way. I thought this might drive some sense into her? this was in the fall, the fall back spring forward time change took it's toll. she finally asked me if they could stay at my house till she found her own place? the soft spot I had for her took over and I agreed. within a month she found a place alright, just across from my house just past an Amish farmer's field she found a trailer for rent, to move into on January first 1982. she told me this guy from work would help her move, yeah the guy's name she couldn't hold in each day! I told her I'd move her myself as he wasn't going in my house. still denying she was cheating. I moved her out January 1st. by Middle of February, guess who moved in with her? yep Mr. co-worker, for some reason beyond me? they had to take the road by my house each morning and evening to and from work though there was a shorter road cold take.

she always seemed to get upset with me wherever we went? I always ran into someone I knew. if it was to the beach in Maryland or Delaware, if we went to Florida. or even to Canada? I always ran into someone I knew. I knew a lot of people way before ever meeting her! for some reason this would upset her, I guess cause all her old friends from childhood or school she never ever saw. but that wasn't my fault?
anyway, I had lots of friends who were girls, by this time women, who would do anything in the world for me while she thought I was staying home all the time, I was working, getting paid, going out reconnecting to people I've known for years, I was hurting yes. but we do things different where I come from. I ran up with two or three old girlfriends of mine, who I;d talk to about how things were going for me, how my still wife was deliberately taunting me with this guy. they lived close to me and came up with the idea to come stay at my house, they'd watch for her car coming down the side road and step out onto my patio where she couldn't help but see them? they'd take turns a couple nights each, then they'd go to work and be back at my house before she drove by going home seeing their car still there in there morning you could watch the clock, when it was time for her to be at work my phone would ring. my friend would answer it, when my wife asked for me they'd say I was in the shower or something. when she got home and called they'd tell her I wasn't home from work yet or something? my wife never asked for names or any info, just call. I made it a point to never run into her anywhere, so I never spoke to her or was asked any questions about who these women were. though I stopped at a convenience store one morning going to work, she saw my truck and stopped, she walked up to me and said "I think I made a mistake" I simply said " I knew that when you found that trailer! just waiting to see how long it took for you to realize?" still denying the cheating saying she didn't start sleeping with him until May" yeah right!?
moving on, this co-worker traveled for his job all over the world, and she forgot one cardinal rule! if they'll cheat with you? they'll cheat on you! she fount out too late, by now I'd met someone I liked allot and she'd actually moved in with me a couple weeks prior. my wife left kind of hurt and tearing up a bit, now it was her problem! the hillbilly revenge is sweet!

moving on, after her realizing she was only being used by him a week or so a month she kicked him out and moved again but still not much farther from me. after some time I myself remembered that cardinal rule the woman who moved in with me I found out had two kids and was cheating on her husband. how this fact got past me in the beginning? I have no idea! but anyway she was sent packing. after about another year I met my wife at a bar, I took her out to dinner a week or so later. I forgave her but have never forgotten the hurt she caused me! anyway since we never devoiced, on our fifth wedding anniversary we renewed our wedding vows, and I'm happy to say that this August we'll be married 31 years. never had any other big problems, in fact, on November 2nd. 1992, I was hurt at work causing a massive stroke and my wife has stood by me the entire time. for over half our marriage I've been completely paralyzed on my entire left side, she's been my caregiver, even she had to wipe my butt for three years.

now that's the hillbilly way!

Larry/coupe good luck and god bless

PS. I'm sorry Princess, I? got off track with my own story. you got your questions wrong in my opinion? it's not how you can get over this guy? you may not. it's not that he doesn't deserve how much you care? it's he doesn't deserve to know! how much you care?

I can honestly say, I love m wife today as much as I did the first time I said I do!

you can get through this it just takes time. try to enjoy your life while you have the chance and time

hugs:angel:





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