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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I'll warn you up front, you are not going to hear what you want to hear from me. I don't think it's your boyfriend that has the problem- I think you do. Comparing your financial situations is unfair to him. It's not his fault that at this point in life he is more financially successful than you are. He's not your husband, and he's not in any way responsible for you. In fact, if I were him I would take your resentment of him not spending $300 on "something you desperately need" as a major red flag because you are angry with him that he didn't spend his money on you, or loan it to you when you thought he should. I also see it as a red flag that you spent 2 weeks worth of your money on him for his birthday but then seem resentful of it. He didn't ask you to spend that money. You chose to, and a gift is supposed to come with no strings...and no resentment. If you couldn't afford it, you shouldn't have spent the money. And you should not resent that he didn't want to loan you money. Money is a huge relationship and friendship buster and he probably didn't want to get into a situation where he would have to bug you to repay him and you would end up resenting that he didn't just forget the loan. I don't think your boyfriend has a problem- he's entitled to spend his money on whatever he wants and it sounds like he does spend quite a lot of it on you in any case. It does sound like you need to do some self-evaluating. If you are going to resent him based on your respective socio-economic statuses then that is very unfair to him. Your final question was whether you are just being selfish and I think that yes, you are. If you're questioning whether you want to be with him based on the fact that he didn't give what he earned to you, that's really not cool and probably you should break up with him because you're not being fair to him at all.

And for what it's worth, I say all that after 10 years with a man that makes 3X the money I do. I know what it's like to feel envious, but you need to get a handle on it because the problem lies with you, not with him.

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