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Hi!

I would just want to have some advice on this thread and to see if any of you out there had experienced the same thing?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months. Yes, it was a pretty short relationship but at the same time probably the most intense one I have ever had.
I immideately started to read about borderline personality disorder online after we broke up for the second time (this last time), and it is scary how much sounds exactly like what I experienced with him.

When we first met we fell deeply in love with each other. I had never met anyone that was so engaged, witty, charming, intelligent and caring. It took about three dates, then we were a couple. He asked me right away if I wanted to be his girlfriend and the third time we had sex he blurted out that he loved me. I thought we were moving a little too fast but at the same time I was questioning myself for being maybe too cynical, and I decided to just go with it.
I remember talking to a friend about how awesome I thought he was, but that I also thought that he could be completely crazy (which was just charming at the time). I also had a suspiscion that he might become too intense.
Anyway we were just completely in love, making big plans together and he told me that he had never been so in love in his whole life.

Then small things started to happen. I am from another country and when we were talking about politics I realized that we didn't exactly share the same interests in it, although they weren't either totally disparate. It was fine with me, but it seemed to bother him a lot that I cared about certain issues (like gender politics) because he "didn't want our relationship to be about gender politics". This didn't really make sense to me, why he couldn't just accept my point of view and not see it as a threat, and it was also the first time he raised his voice at me.
It became more and more frequent. He started getting worked up about things that I said, if I had a different viewpoint of the world than him, if I called him an hour later than I had told him, If I had to cancel a date (I am in grad school, he works 3 times a week), If I let him wait in my room for 10 min while getting ready to go out. He started pointing out weak sides in me, that I have ADD, I am disorganized, forgetfull and easily distracted.

I started feeling self conscious and that I was tiptoeing around him as to not upset or disappoint him in any way. When he loved me he was the greatest. We had fun, he was caring, he told me that I was the smartest and hottest girl he had ever met and the sex was incredible. I think he might have been sexually overactive and was very dominant in bed (which however was a thing that turned me on).

Then one day after meeting up we immideately went grocery shopping. When we entered the store my phone rang and it was my friend that I hadn't heard from in a long time so I took it and started talking to her saying things like "I miss you too" and I started to walk around in the store grabbing groceries at the same time as to save time. We were on the phone for 5 minutes and when I looked around my boyfriend had walked away from me and was now walking towards me with a furious face. He said "Don't you ever do that to me again" and then started scolding me for being thoughtless for talking on the phone while I was with him, that no one else was talking on their phones in the store and that I was being a total jerk. I felt chocked by his reaction and didn't know what to say. Then he got angry at me for looking at him like that, like I was acting stupid, like a 16 year old girl and that I was just childish.
At that time I felt that I wanted to walk away but somehow he convinced me that I had been really rude and inconsiderate, and it was like I only wanted for him to hold me and love me again.

We kept argueing about stuff. It was mostly about me not having any time for him. I felt like it was all on me. He never asked me out, to suggest us to to something but he blamed all that on me for never having any time to make plans with. He was always complaining about me spending a lot of time in my studio working on my stuff, and how I thought that my time was more important than his.
One time he refused to send me a file which I had saved on his computer because he said he was to stressed. It would have taken him 5 minutes but he just refused. He said that "I could come get it" at his house, which would have taken me about 2 hours back and forth (he lives in another city) and it was 8 pm at night.

I broke up with him. He couldn't see why I just turned away and didn't want to fix it. Like it was all on me to make it better. He wanted to admit that it was partly his fault but he also wanted me to admit that I had done wrong, which I honestly didn't feel that I had.
Like constantly insulting someone and then blaming them for not wanting to stay and talk about it. I was always the one "on the edge of leaving" and who was "just looking for a reason to get out of the relationship".

We tried again but it didn't work. It was fine the first 2 days, then the insults started again, scolding me and making sarcastic faces at me like I was stupid. I even asked him why he wanted to be with me if he thought I was such an irritating person. He said that wasn't how he felt and that he loved me but I couldn't understand how he would treat someone that way if he loved them.
I walked out again. I tried to make it clear to him that I wasn't on the edge of leaving until he made me leave. That he had pushed me away. But he said that he wanted to fix it. But I felt that he wanted me to apologize for things I hadn't done. He told me I was stubborn and that I couldn't just admit that I had fucked up.
He called me yesterday. I didn't answer so he left me a voicemail asking if "I wanted to talk about it or if we were done", as if those were the only options. I texted him back saying "If the only point for you in talking about it is for us to get back together again, I guess we're done". I still feel like he owes me an apology but I don't want to get sucked in again.

I feel turned inside out and totally drained. It would just be interesting to hear from other people if they have experienced something similar...





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