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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi there, I just joined a couple of days ago myself and was thinking of posting my relationship issue on here and just came across yours..
I'm going through a similar thing. Everything was great the first year with my boyfriend of 3 years and recently I have been feeling rather neglected and unappreciated for a while now. We don't live together due to my family circumstances so when we are at his place it is really special and I know he does love me...He just never ever expresses his emotions or gives me any sort of certainty or clarity about our relationship... Whereas I'm the exact opposite. I do everything I can possibly do for him and I'm the one that's waiting for him to contact me and I have developed this obsessive compulsive disorder with the whole relationship. I feel anxious when he doesnt contact me or doesnt express his love towards me and i feel as if Im the only one frantically trying for this relationship to work. Since we only get to see each other about 3 times a week a lot of tension build up between these times and we often have silly arguments and he said that these arguments make him wonder whether we will be together eternally... We often talk about marriage and our future but I think he is still having doubts about me....I so want the whole marriage and kids and everything but I dont think he thinks im the right one for him....I feel like I love him so much whereas he could live happily without me.. I wanted to break off the relationship many times but I can't bear the thought of living a life without him and I'm a coward... Ive had two bfs before him but he really is my true love and soulmate and am prepared to do everything it takes. I just had a long chat with my boyfriend immediately prior to posting this reply and found it really helpful.. I told him everything I was feeling, how I deserve some sort of certainty and clarity on behalf of him to know where I stand in this relationship, how you see this relationship going and how he regards me as a whole. He took this pretty well and answered all my questions. This is the first time we talked in so much depth and because I break down crying with these kinds of talks it had to be online... Tell your partner you have something that youd really like to talk to him about and write things down beforehand if you think you will forget. Express to him how much you really love him and all the other feelings he has made you feel... I told my guy as much as i love him to death, i just want him to be happy. If it means choosing a life without me it will have to be that way and ill accept it...(i dunno where that came from but i know if it meant his happiness i will let him go..) At least Ill walk away knowing Ive tried everything I can with this guy and if its not meant to be its not meant to be. I will regard that as fate if everything fails despite my hard efforts..Best of luck to you. Pick a day, arrange a good time and seriously share everything on your mind with him until you have absolutely nothing to say. I found that online chatting was good because we couldnt raise our voices or anything and we both allowed each other to talk without one person interrupting. He really thanked me in the end and said that was a really good chat and a lot of good came out of it. I dunno what he means by that and i have no idea what will happen to us but now i feel a bit better. One minute I think I can go on without him and the next minute tears start to fill my eyes when i think of his face. Relationships truly are so difficult and i admire you for having been in one for such a long time. I hope you work things out with him...Do keep us updated....:-)

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