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Relationship Health Message Board


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Lately getting phone calls from my partner of 8 years is distressing. He has no emotion in his voice any more, and he's the type of person that wouldn't tell me anyway if he wanted to break up , or if there was anything wrong in his life or if he had any problem with me.

It doesn't help that there's a cultural difference. We never married or had children, (although less than a year after we met I became pregnant and had an abortion becauseI was young and we weren't married and I was afraid and also afraid that my parents would disapprove of him).

We also worked together for many years, setting up a nonprofit together, working on creative projects that became very successful. Now his career (which I helped launch) is taking off, and he's kind of abandoning me in favor of social climbing (or so it seems). He sees himself as a professional now, and although we worked side by side for years, he sees himself as higher than me. Meanwhile I actually am worse off than before I knew him, even though I did all the dirty work to get him where he is now. (I'm not exaggerating, I worked myself to the point of exhaustion for 7 days a week for years) while he mainly took care of the PR. He's reaped financial rewards among other things from his new status, and I'm just struggling to survive mainly. I regret putting so much of myself into our work.

I feel very lonely and isolated because I really gave my entire heart and mind to him in the early days of our relationship, and always was faithful and devoted to him even though we often lived in separate cities and haven't spent quite as much time together than we should have in the past year. It was clear, even though I tried to deny it, that he had other love interests although I don't know all the details I do have proof of other loves. Which makes me wonder if he ever really loved me at all.

What makes me crazy is it's almost more difficult still getting phone calls from him. If I could just forget about it all maybe I could move on, but he'll call every day and end every night saying I love you, even though it a lot of the time has no feeling in it. It has become simultaneously life affirming for me, (I guess because I must have low self esteem) and also it promotes feelings of resentment and anxiety within me.

I became ill last year and he hasn't been very supportive I mean in terms of emotional or moral support. I wouldn't expect him to be supportive in any other way, but it would help if it seemed to matter to him. He seems to go along with his life as if theres no problem at all. I know if he was ill, I'd rush to his side so I guess on some levels I expected the same from him.

I know it sounds like I should just move on, but it is deeper than that for me. It would be great if someone can help me deal with the feeling of emptiness and loneliness that I feel right now, and have been feeling for some time. Sometimes the feeling is unbearable while I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I don't have any friends, I can't talk to family any longer because I've become estranged from them because I put so much in to this relationship for so many years we all just grew apart and he became the only focus of my life.

I don't really know how to deal with this because he seems fine with the way things are. Well who wouldn't want a woman who is completely devoted to the point of stupidity. He spews out a few words here and there that warm my heart and lessen the pain but I get the feeling he just says those things because he's a smooth talker and knows what people, especially women want to hear.

But this situation is slowly killing my soul. He's not willing to talk about our relationship it seems. Meanwhile he keeps making plans for himself with his career etc. I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting for him and nothing ever happens.

The question at this point seems obvious Why would I bother staying in a relationship like this. Well the answer isn't so simple for me. I probably am hanging on longer than I should, but I feel so empty without him and I don't know where to turn, as I feel like a totally different person from who I was when I met him over 8 years ago. I am the kind of person who has trouble, actually it's impossible for me to be lukewarm in relationships. I don't like to dramatize things but I give all of myself to those I love, and being in this limbo state is even more painful for me than just breaking up.

Any advice or support will be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks.





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