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Hi,

I really need some help to understand my girlfriend better and hopefully someone here can give me some good advice. I will really appreciate it!

I am involved in a long-distance relationship with a lady. We have been dating for about six months and I am madly in love with her. The issue is that she has many male friends and I sometimes have a problem understanding her...

To make a very long story short... She told me today that she has no problem with going away on holiday or for a weekend with a male friend and sharing an apartment with him, if he is only a friend, have never tried anything with her and she has known him for many years.

I trust her 100%. I know she has many male friends... I don't mind her having lunch or dinner with a male friend. I don't even mind her texting or emailing old boyfriends. But, spending the night alone with another guy (a friend) in an apartment is where I draw the line. It does make me feel jealous, I am being honest. I do not find it is correct. I find it inconsiderate and disrespectful.

Like I said, I do trust her 100% but I don't know her male friends. I simply do not feel comfortable with my girlfriend sharing an apartment for a night or longer with another guy.

She said my view on the issue is stupid and she does not see anything wrong with spending a night/nights in an apartment, alone with a male friend. She told me I am being intrusive, controlling and that if dating me means always explaining, clarifying and justifying her actions that she is not interested in dating.

I said to her that, in my mind, 99,9% of all guys would have a problem accepting their gf going away for a weekend or longer with one of her male friends and sharing an apartment with him. Her reply was that she would then rather go for the 0.1%.

I have a personal rule... I will never tell her what to do. I can only tell her how it makes me feel. I am quite hurt than when I told her about my misgivings that I am then told they are "stupid".

She said it really bothers her that I am being jealous.

I don't understand... I love her so much and I think she really loves me too. As I said, I don't mind her having male friends and going out with male friends. But, spending the night alone with a guy in his apartment? I just don't find that is right.

Her argument is that if she is going to sleep with another guy it might as well happen at any time and place and that she does not need to spend the night alone with a guy in an apartment for it to happen.
I think I can see her point. But, I still don't find it correct. Here is how I see it > I trust her so I don't mind if she meets a male friend for coffee or dinner. But, since I trust her, does that mean I should not mind her going away on holiday with this male friend and sharing an apartment with him? For me that would be crossing the line, even though it's true she can cheat on me any time if she wants to and I will probably never know.

Please give me your honest opinion. Am I just being paranoid and jealous? Should I just accept the fact that it's okay for my gf to spend one night or several nights alone with a guy in an apartment.

And, secondly is the way she reacted when I told her about how I felt normal. Was I so out of line that she can be forgiven for calling my misgivings stupid?

Thank you very much in advance!
[QUOTE=cryingforever;4753871]Ask her how would she feel if it was the other way round? hmmm see how she answers that. bet she would say ''i'd be fine with it'' yeah right. You have every right to be concerned. Her lack of understanding and her comments of saying your feelings are stupid tells me that she isnt a very nice considerate person and not worth been with.[/QUOTE]

LOL, you're right... She did actually tell me that she would be fine with it.
Personally, I doubt she would find it acceptable if it would really happen...

The problem I have with this situation (apart from the harsh way she responded to me) is, where do you draw the line?

She wants me to trust her (I do) and told me that if I care about her I wouldn't be jealous. So, in her mind it's okay for her to go out / away with a male friend and spend the night alone with him in an apartment.

What if this guy is an old boyfriend? What if he is a new "friend" that she only met one month earlier? Would it still be okay to go away with him and spend the night alone with him in an apartment? I don't think so.

Using her argument of "trust me and if you care about me you wouldn't be jealous" I can tell her that my secretary is a friend and that we are going to go away on holiday and that we will be sharing an apartment. But, she should trust me and this shouldn't make her jealous because she cares about me. (Btw, I would never do something like that).

In my opinion, it's absurd! I don't see how I can be happy in such a type of relationship.

I honestly don't believe she will cheat on me. But, I don't understand how she can find my misgivings stupid. They way she said it, she might as well have said 1 + 1 = 2. She sounded so sure of herself.

Thank for for commenting! It makes me feel that I am not so stupid after all.





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