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I really need some help and advice.
I was with my ex for a year, we met at work.
he pursued me for ages before I finally gave in and started seeing him (I did not want to get involved with somebody from work)
He is 42, 6 years older than me, he has been through 2 broken marriages and his long term girlfriend had left him heartbroken... he lost over 200k to women!
I was dubious about getting involved as I was not sure he was over his last relationship and I myself did not want to get hurt.
Things were great for the first 6 months and then I noticed him pulling away.
We had a trip to Amsterdam booked in Jan this year and 2 weeks booked in Kenya in Feb this year.
Around New year I had asked him where we were going and he said he would not give me marriage or children as he had been married before and did not want children. I myself have a 7 year old daughter that he got on great with!
After that, he started pulling away. I kept asking him if everything was ok and he said he loved me and things were fine... I started to feel I was going mad.
Then out the blue, before Amsterdam, he told me the next 2 holidays would be make or break... to see how we got on! I was shocked and upset, felt as if I was on trial.
Amsterdam went fine and then when we went to Kenya he fell very ill, he ended up in hospital and because I visited him when he told me not to and was worrying and crying he got very annoyed with me.... told me I was too much for him, that he could not deal with me (I am very bubbly and outgoing, he is a lot more private)... the very things I felt drew him to me in the first place he was now putting me down about... he said I should have listened to him and not come to the hospital and not told people he was ill... he said I clearly did not know him.
What was I supposed to do? carry on sunbathing and drinking wine all day whilst he lay ill in hospital?
When he got out, he said again, that we would need to see how the next 2 months go as he was not sure if he could adapt to my personality... after a year together he is saying this???
On our return to England he backed off more and more, hardly seeing me and when I asked to see him he said I was demanding too much time.
I asked him outright one Sunday 8 weeks ago and he told me he loved me but as boyfriend and girlfriend I was not what he was looking for!
This came just as we were about to move in together... he even had builders coming around to look at getting an extension on his house to accommodate me and my daughter.
I am devastated... he knows I am a lovely person who would have done anything for him, and not being big headed (honestly as my confidence is pretty low now)... he won't get better than me.
I have had to sit back to back at work with him for 8 weeks and it is torture.
At the beginning of the breakup, my anger took over and I sent him a long email telling him how bad he had treated me in Kenya etc... he had made promises to my little girl only a week before we split and now she is heartbroken too!
We did not speak for a month after he read that email.
I made no contact with him for a month.
Then being his birthday on Sunday just gone, I decided to be mature and send him and card and text him happy birthday... he replied to say that it meant a lot to him and that he was doing nothing on his birthday apart from playing cricket in the day... I took this as if he was hinting he was free... I casually said if he wanted to do something I would be happy to as I did not want anybody on hteir own on there birthday.
He text ;ater to thank me but said he was tired and going to bed.
Now in work, we are friendly and even have a laugh, but I am getting nothing from him... I thought after all this time he may soften and miss me.
I see him look at me at times and he goes quiet when he can hear us girls in the office making plans to go out!
I cannot avoid him as we work together, I am at my wits end and I cannot cope.
I love him so much and miss him, we could have been so happy together.
If he was worried about getting the extension and getting hurt he could have just spoke to me.... but it has gone to far now and that might not even be the reason.
What is going on here?
What can I do?
I refuse to make anymore contact with him as I feel I have done enough and I cannot cope with more rejection.
I am devastated.
Does he still love me?
Is there anything I can do?
I cannot bear him to be with anybody else, we work so close, I cannot cope
Please do not suggest me changing jobs, I love my job and I desperately need the money... I just don't know what is going on in his head

Many thanks

C





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