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hi, i'm new to this board. first of all i ask any of you read this thread to be patient because my english skill is not very good :)
I've been stressed a lot, and been imagining a lot of facts that has never happened. (could have happened because it's impossible to read someone's mind completely)
I've been dating this guy for over 8 months. it's soon to me 9th month in a week or two.
we live in Asia, he's from the states and i am from this country. we've been friends for about 9 months before we started dating. we were not really a good friends, more like acquintances.. many mutual friends. he said he was interested in me at first but we kept missing each other, when he was single , i was with someone else, when i was single he was with someone.
anyways we became gf and bf. we dated for three months and then he had to go back home for three months. so we've been together 3months and away from each other for 3 months. about a few weeks before he left i wanted talk about where we stand,if he wanted to keep it continue, or not.. he didnt want to talk about it then. end of november , about two days before he left, he said he wanted to keep it continue, so we've been doing this .. long distance relationship. there were a few troubles while he was away, me being insecure and jealous about him and his female friends. whatever, we talked a lot almost everyday or once in two or three days .
before he left when we were in the same country ,at first two months, i thought he's in love with me or something.the way he looks at me , caring about me ,sweet words.. he's finally back to my country. there was up and down but well, we're still together.
I didn't really think about "love" before. but at this point it's 8 months mark and it seems like there is no progress in our relationship. on our 8th month annyversay, i said " it's been 8 months already ! time flies yeah?" and he thinks it feels shorter than that, probably 4 months or something ... i take it could be two meanings, a>feels refreshed and things are fun. b> theres no progress in his heart..
i've been very depressed, but i tried to act normal. which was not easy at all.

ok now here is the problem... I feel really bad that i've done this, it feels like i've done something i shouldnt have done. i accidently read one of his emails that he sent back and forth with one of his best female friends. it was last year, our 2nd month of dating.. (at that point he was really sweet and i thought he was in love with me , maybe.. he said he really liked me )
he wrote.... things are going pretty well with me, we have good time when we are together, doing fun things. but he doesn't really think about me when we're not together. he wants to buck wild with his single friends when he gets home, he was asking her how to deal with about the situation.. if he would stay with me or not. he seemed worried people in this town(we know quite many people , almost mutual friends) would think he's a douchbag, and either way breaking up with me would hurt me.
and her response was most likely about how to break it up wiith me ( i was alll shocked, confused when i get to read this so i can't remember details quite well.. ) she wrote him that he knows the answere, and he's not in love with me ,he could find someone else easily if he wanted and blah blah..
Hell,... i'm so lost. i was so shocked and hurt.... first ,it scared me hell a lot when i tried to remember how lovely his way looking at me ,treating me back then, and he was thinking like that. i am so hurt.
I don't see why he's dating me untill now. he's a good looking guy, he can hookup with any girls if he tries, pretty much..
ugh ,feels like i'm being fooled . i can't read him at all.. he says he likes me if i ask him i will no longer ask him this though. or has his emotion changed or what?
he's so sweet, loves to joke around with me ,. we spend time together everyweekend, 4 days a week almost.. now i'm getting suspicious about his missing condoms after three months of vacant. he's got new condoms from his home, when i found this i asked where all rest of them gone, he said he threw them away because those were expired.. so i said ok.
would it be better to just take him as one of those boyfriends i will be breaking up with soon just enjoy ,trying not to get to love him so much ?
i feel like i have mental problem..

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