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[QUOTE=angel_light;4756861]
[B].. I want to stay.. but I do not want to get hurt anymore[/B].[/QUOTE]

Here's the thing...you CANNOT have both, and that's the simple long and short of it. You can stay with him and continue to be berated, belittled, talked down, betrayed, put down, yelled at, made to feel at fault for his temper tantrums and for him being unhappy, and be hurt over and over again, or you can leave. But you can't stay and not get hurt anymore. Hurting you is his thing. After 8 years, that should be pretty clear to you. I've been following your posts and story for several years now, and it's more than clear to me. This is who he is, and who he will always be with you. And the longer you stay with him, the more your self esteem will be beaten down to the ground and the worse you will feel about yourself, and you'll soon feel like you deserve it, actually it sounds like you've already reached that point. He's convinced you his abuse is your fault, you take the blame for not being what he wants, for not making him happy enough, for not being a good enough cook, a good enough girlfriend, a good enough whatever.

I'm so sorry that you have chosen to do this to yourself. It's always sad when a bright, pretty, wonderful young woman chooses to sacrifice herself to the whims of an abusive jerk, without even getting anything in return. This guy is never going to marry you. You're 8 years older and no closer to marriage and children, a real home and family than you were 8 years ago. And 8 years from now, he'll have had his fun with these other women behind your back, and you'll be another 8 years older and still no closer to marriage, children, home and family, until he finally meets a pretty 24 year old that he just can't be without and he'll leave you for her. I'm so sorry you've chosen to let him do this to you. That you've chosen this path for yourself. But one thing you must be clear on - it is YOU who is chosing this. You know you can't change him, you can't save him, you can't fix him, you can't twist yourself into enough of a pretzel to really please him, and you can't love him into loving you. You know all this. You've just made the choice to ignore it. I think all that's left to be said is, take a good long hard look down the road you've chosen and understand where it leads, and that you are choosing to take your own life, your one and only precious and all too short life you get on this planet, down that path.





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