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Angry boyfriend :(
May 21, 2011
I am 23 and have only been seeing my boyfriend of 22 for 3 months. He is an angry man, often having outbursts over the pettiest of things. I have also learnt that I should barely speak to him last thing on a night and first thing on a morning. At first I put it down to him not being good when tired, but I am beginning to wonder if his problems are deeper rooted...?

He has become insecure and often tells me he doesn't think I love him and needs constant reassurance from me. He also reads between the lines on text messages and makes something out of nothing.
It is his anger that worries me, and I have told him this. It has gotten to the point where he now knows that if it happens again, unless he gets professional help I am gone, no matter how much we care for each other. I want to help him and not antagonize these angry outbursts, but when he is on one I actually hate him.

He petrified me the other day in the car screaming at the top of his lungs whilst I was driving. Reduced me to tears and I was shaking like a leaf. I am a calm person, so do not respond when he shouts at me like that and calls me names and swears. When I do speak he finds me patronising because of my calm tone.

After the angry outbursts I give him time to calm down, and it is after this point when he will break down into tears saying he's a bad person and that I deserve a better boyfriend. I agree with him that I do deserve better and he knows this. He was mortified that he had frightened me in the car and says that was not his intention for screaming at me. If it happens again I am telling him to persue anger management classes (as he had when he was 15, but quit as he felt they were pointless)....if he doesn't go for them then I am gone.

It's difficult because we have a lot of feelings for each other and when he's not angry he is the best man I have ever met! Sweet, polite, warm, loving, caring and funny. I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt me, he cannot tell me this enough. However how can I ever be 100% that he wouldn't hurt me if he says he has little to no control over his anger in the first place?

I'm not used to this situation, but does it sound like I'm handling it correctly? Or does anybody have any advice on how to deal with him if he does get angry of ir there's anything I can do to prevent it from happening in the first place? x

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