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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

May 22, 2011
I get on with my family well (didnt use to) but i still feel like there not all that interested in me. I think they find me boring maybe. Had family dinner today and no one asked me how i am , what i been upto etc...but soon as my brother and his girlfriend walks in its all chatty and full of interest. I talk about whats going on for me for a change and they just look at me and smile , no conversation no interest. I understand my brother and his girlfriend have a son so they got lots to talk about (my nephew doing cute things etc...) and thats fine but i mean in general talks. My brothers recently got a job out of luck he not worked in years and i find myself feeling depressed because i want a job and try to find one but nothing happens. Sometimes i find it pointless going to family dinners as its all about them every conversation and i am just sat listening. My family go out places together too, shopping together and i never get asked to go. They are all very close and i try to be but how when i just feel like they have no interest in me.

I have had this sort of relationship with my parents for the past few year and growing up was diffacult my mum was most of the time cold towards me , treat me like my feelings didnt matter , not much affection i cant even remember a time my mum hugged me dad just took her side but he was a little softer than mum ,kicked out at 16 for running up a phone bill living a life of hell in hostels and witnessing some horrible things and been in dangerous situations while my parents didnt care. Now we get on well , weve put the past behind us and never talk of it and thats fine too but i am left with severe confident issues i am scared to talk to people in fear of rejection , i am paranoid that i am boring to everyone, i am nice to people i know and strangers and i get paranoid thinking they think i am ugly and an idiot. I get nervous alot and dont like going out by myself. I can honestly say i have become boring and no personality and not very social but its because of anxiety and depression and my evil ex's made me feel like i am nothing aswell. I am also co dependant because of this i discovered it after reading a book on it. I am really affectionate and if i dont get it i crave it , i have trouble been by myself and been single , i have always been in relationships and because of my needyness to be loved properly i jumped into relationships then chose the wrong guy and he was so wrong for me and brought me down more, i have self respect issues i feel im not worthy anyway so i put everybody else before myself , i get paranoid that relationships or family will abandon me again or hurt me.

I am pathetic i really am. I am not hiding it anymore i have to say whats really going on.

I need to put myself first and follow my dreams and ambitions but have problems letting myself go to do them because i am severely co dependant.

This is how my mum used to be : infront of her friends or customers shes a mobile hairdresser she would speak to me nice , very nice on the phone or in person looking like shes a fantastic parents but soon as she wasnt around her friends and customers she would be cold , looked at me like she hated me , spoke down to me, if me and my brother was naughty when we was kids (he usually did worse things) then my mum would forgive him within same day or the next day , me she just hated on me for 2 weeks. Felt my mum bullied and didnt like me.

Anyway , i am kind of over it now , but i think its had a bad affect on me and the lack of interest is still bothering me.

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