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Relationship Health Message Board

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I think you have a fear of intimacy. Just when the first guy started falling in love with you and wanted to move in with you (if I'm remembering your post correctly), you lost interest because you weren't ready, and started to resent him for problems earlier in the relationship. Then, with your current guy, he talks about marriage, and maybe that scares you, so you'd rather think about your ex again (who is safely unavailable). Whenever each one has wanted to go to the next level, it seems like you get scared and lose interest. It doesn't seem like you really have a reason to break up with your current guy. It seems like you like him, and it seems like the ex likes his new girlfriend. Plus you both chose someone new who is closer in age, so maybe you're more compatible with your new significant others. Of course you are going to have doubts if you are in daily contact with your ex. I think you should limit contact to like once a month. You can't focus on your current boyfriend if you're constantly thinking of your ex. Give the new guy a chance. You're acting like your ex is still yours since you don't want him to marry his new girlfriend. You can't have it both ways. You can't have a boyfriend and then consider your ex all yours too. You have to pick one, and want the one you have. I'm inclined to think that even if you broke up with your current boyfriend and got back with your ex, then when he was ready to take things to the next level, you'd lose interest in him, and you'd want your current boyfriend back. Having said all that, it's possible to like two guys at once, but you can never grow as a couple if you're not fully mentally present in your relationship.

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