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My apologies if this is in the wrong board, there are so many.

Background info: Dating a girl for a little over a year, both 20s, no history of cheating or anything.

Anyways, an issue i've had in this relationship is the constant fear of being cheated on. I went to see a psychologist about it and it helped a little bit to talk about it, but int he long term i'm still worried.

I wouldn't care so much if my girlfriend were to cheat on me and then tell me right away. It would suck, but we could then deal with it.
The problem is i'm constantly afraid of her cheating on me and then not telling me about it afterwords. Or, i'm afraid of her getting blackout drunk and then doing something with some guy. Even if she were to just kiss someone once, and not tell me. Basically, i'm just afraid of being left in the dark.

I acknowledge it's irrational. She has done nothing that would be reason to believe she would cheat on me. She's a very honorable person, never cheated before, pretty classy girl. Perhaps it's because i feel as if she's too good for me in the sense that she secretly wants to be with someone else rather than someone like me. While this could be the main reason, she still has given me no signs that this is the case.

Is there any good advice for me to get over this irrational fear? Thanks.
This is really something you need to just figure out/work out on your own. I, too, have trust issues and a fear of being cheated on, but in my case, it's because it's happened a number of times that I kind of automatically assume that it will happen with everyone. With my current boyfriend, however, I don't feel like that. He's really one of the first guys I've ever trusted. You just need to talk yourself out of it really. You said yourself that it's irrational and that you have no reason to believe she would cheat on you. That's what trust is about. You need to just trust that she wouldn't do it, and go with that. Reminds yourself of all the things that prove that she likely wouldn't cheat, and ignore the things that make you get these obsessive thoughts.
My best advice to you would be to take your time in every relationship before you become intimate. Allow yourself to really get to know everyone you ever become involved in, and that means learn about her family, her values, her background, become friends way before lovers. Allow yourself to use all your senses when it comes to picking the people you spend time with, and that goes for both men and women. Use your instincts to guide you, that gut feeling is seldom wrong but often overlooked or ignored.
Why do you say you are afraid she might get "blackout drunk" and then...? Is she in the habit of drinking alcohol? Is this something you do together? Or is this something that only she does and it bothers you? Do you think she could stop it if you asked her to?

Okay, forgive if the above is off-topic, but I just wanted to get a clearer picture of the context, if you see what I mean.

You know, the more you think about being cheated on, the more you attract this to yourself. In other words, whatever you think obsessively about may end up turning into reality. Perhaps this kind of thinking has a definite source: you were cheated on in the past, she had some bad relationships before you came, or as you put it, you think she is too good for you. This means poor self-esteem.

I think the key is here: you got to develop your self-esteem, which doesn't mean being full of yourself, but simply looking at yourself as you really are, recognizing your "defects" and your qualities, and keep striving to become a better person.
stay single....you won't have to worry about anyone cheating on you that way.....it's much less stressful, and less complicated that way!
Heres what someone once said to me something along the lines of.....

If you worry and stress about something when its not even happened you are not allowing yourself to enjoy the relationship and its like your living the 'heartbreak' when nothings happened. But whats worse ....if she cheats and you find out that heartbreak would be temporary because you would end it with her and get over it at some point (although if you stay thats abit different and something you have to work at) .......OR if you are with her now , nothings happened and you constantly fear it the hurt inside lasts ALOT longer than the actual hurt if it did happen.

My therapist also used to ask me this quite often ''Then what'' sounds silly i know but heres an example of what i mean.....I'd say to my therapist , i am scvared my boyfriend would do what my ex's did cheat on me......she would said .....''if he did , then what''? .....and i would say ''i would be broken and hurt'' .....she'd say again ''then what'' ......... i remember thinking STOP asking that stupid question , my mind kept saying i dont know i dont know BUT then she asked me to think deep inside my self and i came up with an answer which is.

''If he cheated i would get rid of him and move on as he wouldnt be ''the one'' i wouldnt want to know him anyway '' so IF i got cheated....then what......i'd get rid.

This may not help just speaking from experience that helped me. Hope it makes sense and helps.





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