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Relationship Health Message Board

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I honestly don't know. Before dating this bf, I was in a previous long term relationship. My ex was very clingy, needy, jealous and insecure. And because my ex was clingy, needy, and insecure... he revolved his entire world around me. Everything was about me. He never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. He was perfectly happy to spend every minute of the day with me. He would drop his friends if it meant spending time with me. While I know this wasn't healthy, thats all I ever knew. Maybe I subconsciously feel that if a guy isnt needy and clingy like my ex, then he perhaps isnt really interested in me. Does that make sense? My bf now is normal and clearly doesnt act like my ex. He has his own life and does his own thing WHICH IS SOMETHING HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO... but for whatever reason my ex boyfriend's ways (while unhealthy) is what I go by in determining if somebody is interested in me. I know thats crazy but I was thinking about this earlier today. I have been with my ex for four years and while it was super dysfunctional, I was so used to it. It was the familiar and that was a lifesytle for me. So now that Im with a normal person, I dont seem to know what to do with myself. I have wondered if my bf was no longer interested... and when I ask myself WHY I THINK HE ISNT INTERESTED, I catch myself thinking... well bec he doesnt really do this, that and the other -- things that my ex used to do. With my ex, he NEVER ever got tired of me. He could never get enough of me. His interest, excitement stayed the same for four years. It never got stale, ever. With my bf, things have obviously settled down. He obviously was more interested when we first started talking, now that things have settled, he isnt (of course) sending me long texts and trying to come over my house every night like he used to when we first started. Sorry, has to throw that out there bec I think it plays a role in why I feel the way I do.

As for cheating, its always a possibility. I think at times I feel my bf is really not that interested and that stems from again, he acts normal and doesnt act clingy like my ex does therefore I feel he might be looking for attention elsewhere. I guess apart from dealing with this stuff, I wonder what exactly is normal. I have been with someone who behaved in such extreme ways, Im not really sure what normal and acceptable is. sorry for rambling

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