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Ok.... I just have to step in here. I am in almost the exact same situation right now as your boyfriend... in fact it the similarities are uncanny. Dating for the same amount of time, I'm getting harassed about not thinking about her during the day..texting..responding to texts... calls... or even a small email saying anything to show she is on my mind. I hate talking things out (with her).

The problem is.... drumroll.... you (or at least he thinks so). Why hasn't he broken up with you? Well, that's easy. It's because he loves you and wants to be with you. There are many aspects of your personality/character/relationship that he adores... and he is waiting to see if you will mature enough to get some self confidence. You are insecure... incredibly, incredibly insecure. You're trying to argue against this assessment in your mind right now... because of how outgoing you are. Most outgoing people are insecure and act out constantly for attention. No one can fix this but YOU.. not caused by him, caused by you.

Every time you "bring up" your desire for attention... which is most likely EVERY DAY, he responds mechanically without thought or feeling. It is probably some type of assurance backed with less emotion than he exhibits over a hamburger. Why? Well, it's all he can do aside from punching you in the face out of extreme frustration. Here's a little excerpt of a likely conversation on the topic between you two:

You Say:
"All I asked for was something showing you were thinking of me... a text, call.. email. You said you would get better about it. Don't you think of me at all during the day? I was hoping today would be the day it changes. We even talked about it two days ago and I waited until today to bring it up... and still nothing. Do you still love me?"

He Hears:
"So, remember the other day when I b*%ed at you until you told me whatever you thought I wanted to hear so I would shut up? Well, it's that time again."

He Thinks:
God help me. Please put the right words in my mouth to make her shut up. She is so incredibly insecure. I love her, I've told her so. I never have told her the opposite... and she harasses, and harasses.

He Says:
.... long pause, possibly vacant stare...

You Say:
Something... not really important, reiterating your first statement in about 5 different ways as if there were some possibility that perhaps he didn't understand you the first time.

He Thinks:
Happy place... happy place, go to my happy place.... my car. I wonder if that new wax really works like the manufacturer says... I mean just wipe off? Come on, you'll most definitely have to buff it afterward to get a respectable gloss.

He Says:
"I'm sorry, you are right... we did agree that I would communicate to you more throughout the day."

He Thinks:
That'll probably do the trick... well, not really. It is a weak effort and I've got a few more cards in my pocket... I'll play a new card every 5 minutes, as to not look too obvious that I'm just trying to shut you up.

.... and the conversation continues.... not until some sort of resolution is reached, but until YOU feel he has suffered the same anxiety that's been boiling in your mind for the past 48 hours while waiting for his email/text/call... glancing at your phone every 10 minutes.

And now my advice:
1. Mature a little (ok, a lot) and get some self confidence
2. Harassing him = bad idea
3. Do not start going out / girls night / etc to make him jealous. He won't think "wow, she has an independent life of her own, that's refreshing. I should re-invigorate my interest in her." He WILL think "well, if that's what she wants to do now... then that's what she wants to do.. if in all this going-out, she finds a guy then I'm not fighting to keep her. why would I want to be with someone who I have to fight to keep?"
4. Find something... a hobby... that you are both interested in long-term and do it together (night college class in ceramics)... it doesn't matter what, as long as it involves substantial interaction (not watching TV). Don't overlook this suggestion... 1 and 2 may be long-term work-on things for you, but this one will have an immediate effect of bringing you closer. Note, this not an opportunity to get him interested in something you want to do... if you do this, it will have the opposite effect. Find something you both could have interest in (more so him than you... to ease the effect of this possibly looking like a step to further smother him.)

One last note on why he hates talking things out with you:
He has to be on-guard the whole conversation against wording things in a way you might find offensive (and thus pull the conversation into an unnecessary and time-consuming tangent). Oh, you don't mean to do this.. but you do it anyway in nearly every conversation. Why does this happen? It's because your insecurity and anxiety jump in your mouth's drivers seat.

This is not about his inability to properly communicate in a relationship, it is due to his being on the edge of breaking up with you over your immature neediness and insecurity.





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