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Girlfriend traits
Jun 17, 2011
Can someone please help me shed some light on the bizarre behaviour of my girlfriend...


After 9 years together (16-25 years old) I found out she was having an affair of some sort with my best friend. (I have known him 18 years). We had a domestic that resulted in her sitting tight for 2 or 3 days and then when I went to work, she went to the police and made allegations against me. Some are true, some are exaggerated and some are just complete lies!

She has always been a liar (never really anything significant)

I have since found out that she may be a thief (incidents over the years that could now well be explained by this.)

She may have cheated on me before (about 90% sure)

Since around Christmas time I have noticed a change in her and we had a stale period during our relationship. (throughout this time we were 'fine' and still sleeping in the same bed, sharing jokes and had generally living normally.)

Now I have found out that she is still seeing this "best friend" late at night but no one has really seen her out and about during the day. I have been charged by the court and am awaiting the outcome. We shared all the same friends and it has come as a complete shock that she could do this on me! If she wasn't happy with me, why have an affair with my best friend? (his loyalty should have been to me I know). Why go so far with the police by telling lies to make the situation out to be more serious than it was? Why does it seem she has no remorse for telling these lies? Could she really just be happy to be rid of me?

Finally, she has taken our dog that I paid for, have a licence for etc and refuses to let me see it! It has been 6 weeks from the incident and I haven't laid eyes on her or him. It's as if she actually doesn't care for me AT ALL and neither does he after all those years we were together!

I am no angel myself and over the 9 years I have did things that I am not proud of, but she knows me inside out and knows that I am not a bad person and loved her dearly (maybe I didn't always show it but who doesn't go through tough times in a long term relationship like that?). It wasn't long ago that we were looking to purchase a house together and my "best friend" and his ex girlfriend (who were engaged) were asking me to be best man at the wedding!

Can anyone shed any light on this change in behaviour so sudden over a few months or has the character traits always been there and she is just wolf in sheeps clothing? I know she loved me and I am not disputing that, but what would explain this malicious behaviour?!

Thank You to anyone who takes the time to read this and reply to me.
Yes in the past there have been incidents when we have argued a lot and there have been isolated incidents such as pushing, shoving, grabbing etc! I know it's wrong but they were mostly alcohol fuelled (still doesn't make it right I know).

On the day in question when I found out she was having a relationship with my "best friend", I admit that I assaulted her once in the heat of the moment! I admitted this instantly to the police a few days later and told them I was regretful but she only went to the police 3 days later when she knew that I was going to find out 110% the extent of this affair! Whilst I was at work, she went to the police and told them the truth, exaggerated some of the story and completely fabricated other parts!

Over the few months when she was involved with my best friend (she still is by the way), I took him under my roof when he split up with his ex to make sure he was ok and made sure he didn't want for anything! If she was so scared off me why was she doing what she was doing behind my back and right under my nose in my own house? Knowing I could find out anytime?

She has always been a liar and new thins have come to light that suggest she may be a thief too. I have also since heard a story that would suggest she has cheated on me before and had been using cocaine (only on nights out with friends.)

I admit that I have a bad temper and have fuelled many of our arguments over the years but she knows I would never go too far as I always showed remorse right after. I never beat her, it was always stupid things like a push and a shove. That doesn't make it right I know that! However, with those character traits I have outlined, do you think there is a correlation with this behaviour of having a relationship behind my back and right under my nose with my best friend, then when getting caught going to the police and not fully telling the truth? To finish, I will give you an example of one of her allegations that I have now been charged with;

FALSE IMPRISONMENT: She says I kept her against her will for over 2 days at our house and she tried to escape, but I wouldn't let her go! She says I didn't leave the house either!

My evidence is I was at work both days and have many witness statements to prove I was at work. I was also at a funeral. I was at the bank. I was at cash cash machines. She was out in her car with me too for god's sake! I can prove all this.

Why has she lied so blatantly? Does she like my "best friend" and hate me that much? And she knows all the times before he cheated on his ex girlfriend, who she was also friendly with! It's a crazy situation and I know I have played my part somewhere in it without doubt, but I am really worried about her state of mind and has it always been in her....

Thank you to everyone who read and replied.

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