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Relationship Health Message Board

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Thanks for the hugs...I appreciate it! That is one thing that just baffles me is that yeah Im crying and hurting and breaking down and he couldn't even come over to me and hug me and say one darn kind word to me of comfort and compassion. That shows me alot too. That's why somehow my intuition is telling me he isn't truly suffering from probably anything other than he want's out and is trying to see how it will be since he is totally comfortable I don't deny that. But Im hurting and Im exhausted. Im crushed. More so that he keeps it like this seeing and knowing what this is doing to me.

My plans are basically to most likely ask to him to seriously leave now. Because a person knows their tolerance level and I have seriously reached mine. I cannot keep this up as much as I do love him as much as I would be totally supportive if he were being open & honest with me, I just cannot live like this- I will end up in the cuckoo house. It's just that scary feeling of finality that I have to get over. Days keep melting into the next and soon it will be 5 months and so on and I know we have drifted apart already well he has drifted from me.

As much as I wouldn't want to lose my relationship I know I would be totally fine without him emotionally after awhile. Im struggling as to why he is treating me like this and keeping things like this. This is just not making sense. All in all I know I will have to force him out if a miracle doesnt happen very very soon probably within the next 2-3 weeks.

When I was breaking down Saturday I was hinting around about him just leaving now this was the best solution and he cut the cnversation off and went to the couch and layed there for the rest of the night.
He cut of when I made a comment that even when ex husband was in my life w/ all his cheating and lying he ever did he NEVER- EVER even made me feel the way he is making me feel or treated me with total isolation and abandonment as he was. I said that out of honesty not to hurt him becuase that's how much I don't know how to process or deal with this. He of course got mad and said that I was saying my ex was a better person than he is and stormed off.


Your reply brought tears to my eyes...You make alot of valid points. I know deep down the true me is to wait it out and stand by his side. But the other true me gets full of anxiety and since Im such a black or white type person I go on edge. I simply can't let go and just relax. I have never been able to do that my whole life. I analyze and over-analyze to death (Im a virgo) and I think lot's of thoughts like what if he is cheating, what if he finds someone else during this time, what if he really is going to leave and then I really start to panic and feel like I want to jump ship before I really get hurt bad.

I understand how you said that by me pulling on him is making it worse. I wish I could learn a way to let go and just let him be. I guess I have knee-jerk reactions to his rejection and lack of emotion and the way he appears to be all fine and dandy while Im over here falling apart.

It is like a rollercoaster because I will set out one day saying ok Im going to not think about it, I wont bother with it today and I will do my own thing and within minutes or hours that's all out the window.

The other thing I notice is I tend to compare with my depression and how I act or what I do when it's present and it's not what Im seeing him do so therefore Im almost thinking its not really depression. Now granted to this point as you know he has not agreed this is even depression in the first place. But I still believe he has some form maybe not a deep one but some form of it.

And I have tried looking past that, I have tried to think of other things...such as the age of our relationship, the fact that he too like Joe has a fear of commitment and that I personally don't have any hobbies of my own and that he feels his hobbies are not accepted or approved of in my eyes and that he feels he "failed" at those couple of things I mentioned in my first post and I also think that he might have looked at a bigger picture w/ us and realized he didnt like what he saw as far as it being very routine and mundane and not much of anything else? When I think of all that then I get down on myself like Im a boring person, Im not fun to be around Im a bad gf/partner.

At this point even if I chose to just let this ride out and wait to see if he finally leaves or changes but any suggestions how to not get consumed with these thoughts and fears I have? That's a real challenge for me.

How long have & Joe been broken up? Do you see any chance of a reconcilation?

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