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I apologise this is going to be a bit long but I need to get all the background in so I can get solid advice.
Im 27, asian, been an only child of my mum (she was a single parent). Naturally we hav the closest bond as we only had/have eachother. She gave up her entire life (never remarried after her divorce) just to work and educate me and give me the best of love and home I could ever ask for. Shes very independent and still works 2 jobs until today (shes 59)..anyway I was always adamant that whenever I did marry I would not leave my mum as we are a package deal, and if a man loved me enough he would accept and understand the bond and responsibility towards her. Anyway I got a proposal from a guy who had been always asking, he worked in a store near home where I would always shop, I was studying at the time so I just said I wasnt ready for anything. In 2009 June (exactly 2 yrs ago) he asked again, I was completed with my studies so I thought about giving it a try. I was honest with him and i explained to him about my mother, he was fine with it, as all his family is overseas so he said he missed having a family and me and my mother being 2 women alone, he would love to marrry me still and was fine with my mum living with us.
I accepted this as as a sign from God that he was the man for me if he had such thoughts and qualities. Money and looks were never important traits for me, I always just wanted a man with good character and who could treat women and elders with respect. Anyway we spoke over the phone dated for a year and got married June 2010 ( one year ago) so technically i only knew him for a year before we got married. He is less educated than me, I earn atleast 4 times more than him ( i work in the corporate world) but all that didnt matter at the time. My mum and I own a house (small but its ours) so we all agreed that since he was renting somewher it just made more sense finacially and practically for him and I to live with mum in her house and we would all share the food, lights and water bills etc as there was no rent to pay. My mum lives her own life, she made it clear she would not interfere in our matters, we would all eat together but she didnt want to be a burden on us in anyway.
Well to get to the problem at hand, after a few months (3 or so) I began noticing characteristics of him that really bother me and now Im questioning this entire realtionship...

1. I lost my job after 5 months of marriage, my contract terminated. I was unemployed for 5 months and collecting unemployemnt grants after that (have now found a job for the past month) During the time I was unemployed, i in no way was a burden on him, I was constant looking for a job going for countless interviews etc..and as I had the unemployement money coming, i used that to contribute to my share in the house and not once asked for any money from him, besides like maybe milk, bread etc.
To note that when I was working the first 5 months, he didnt pay any lights and water etc as I would generously pay the entire bill as my salary was more and he would contributre to food etc. But since I was unemployted he had to pay the lights and water etc..
I noticed a huge change in his moods and attitude, he was constantly critisizing me, as if irritated that I was not working (even though I asked him for no money) He mentioned to me a couple of times that Im not looking for a job, im not making an efffort etc..he started picking fights with me for no reasons, and I think the underlying issue was he wanted me to get back to work as soon as possible.

2.I have a car, he doesnt. During the week for work his employers come to pick him up and drop him etc..he works Mon - Sat. Sundays are usually the only day that we have free to be together (bearing in mind we just got married..we should be wanting to spend as much time together as possible) Well he has a couple of friends that live together one is married..so every Sunday after braekfast I would go in the shower and then he takes my car to his friends (THIS IS THE ROUTINE EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY since we are married for a year) spends atleast 3-4 hours come home, asks me if i wana go out anywhere, if I say yes we go for a drive, maybe a movie maybe shopping after that, he drops me home in the evening and goes back to his friends again for maybe an hour or so. If i say no i dont feel like going anywher lets hang out together at home, watch TV cuddle, talk anything..he is moody and still goes back in the evening to sit with his frinds.
This really started to irritate me as I would be left sitting at home cooking and waiting and he is out with my car, doing God knows what..I confronted him, spoke to him about asked, why cant i come with like a normal couple and I could talk to the friends wife while you hanging out with the guys, Sundays are the only days we have togther. So as not to be clingy I told him its fine to have guy time alone..lets make it once a month you can have aSunday with ur friends alone and can go meet my girl buddies 2..the other Sundays we have for ourselves and if you must go and visit ur friends I can come with...He doesnt agree to this AT ALL..and why is it that I have to beg him to spend time with me, he seems to just want to spend time there all the time any free time he has.

3. Im not a bad wife, I fulfil every single duty of mine, his clothes are always washed , ironed, I come home from work cook, clean etc. Sexually (we were both virgins before marraige) even if Im not in the mood and he wants it, i do it for him.

4 His also been very very rude to my mum these days, she noticed the Sunday thing im always left home alone and she can see this, she tried to mention it to him and he strated being rude to her and using bad lanaguage. I cannot accept this.

5 Also his friends dont have a car, so they constantly phone him, take us shopping, pick us up, please do this ...and they dont seem to understand that this is my car! I dont mind him using it as we are husband and wife so everyting mine is his etc..but how can he use it for them all the tim and he still wants to spend Sundays with them, take my car and leave me alone!

6 He has a very bad temper and whenever I try to talk to him about an issue he goes off in a anger fit, walks off , never discusses things maturely, Threatens to slap me (he never has though) but he says it all the time.."Shut up or I'll slap you!" "How dare you control me? I need time with my friends, I can spend all day with you!" "you dont need to come with me, you can sit at home, I just go for 2-3 hours anyway!"

7 Lastly, I feel instead of wasting time with his freinds why doesnt he try to better himself for our future try and find ways to earn more (he doesnt want me to leave job, but why doesnt he try and find something that pays better) try to study and further himself for our future children etc.. iw anted to go off the pill and he said first find a job and get health insurance..does that mean that I will have the financial burden on me all the time..he is not even making an effort to improve himself and try and buy a car for himself. he wants me to buy another car, he drives my car for all frinds and to visit them evry weekend, not thinking that I need this car to drive to work evryday, the wear and tear etc..he never offers to help wit the car service or petrol etc.

8. I would accept everything (i know im dumb) and even take the financial burden if he could atleast give me time and love. I can take care of my own financial needs but if he is atleast there emotionally?

Yesterday was the same issue, only difference was that I woke up extra early cooked, showered etc before he got up. After he showered and had breakfast, 11.30 am...he stared the routine again, took the car keys and said im going for a while...this time I didnt stand for it..i said look im ready 2, what am I going to alone at home, ive finished dinner as well, why dont I come with u for a drive...he sulked, complained but took me with to the friends I sat and chatted with the friends wife and he sat wit the guys as we came home around lunch time he wanted to leave me home and then go back to sit with them!!! what the heck is that? So i said no lets have a romantic day, wel get a DVD just stay home and relax or lets go for coffee etc..so we stayed home, he was moody the entire time! Fnally after supper he says.."so, you got your way out today, huh? stuck to me the entire day!" (Imean is that something you say to ur wife?) so i replied.."no it think thats the way marrage is, you have to spend time with each other..i think im going to come with you every sunday now, ienjoyed chatting with the friends wife, we could really become good friends etc." He started a very bad argument..."Im the husband, you gotta listen to me, I wont have you controlling me!" then he suggested something.."he said ok, its going to one Sunday I spend with you and one Sunday I go there..!" so I said how can you have a routine like that in a marriage like I have to wait for "my Day" to spend A sunday with you...I told him we cant go on like this, your idea of marriage is different from mine, he refused to discuss it further when I asked him whats the solution to this, what have you decided to do about these Sunday things? he says "I dont need to tell you what I decide, just wait for the next sunday..wait and watch" I mean what kind of an answer is that? I was so hurt and disgusted that I mean so little to him..my feelings dont matter, im treated like a door mat.. I slept on the couch and when I left for work this morning he was still sleeping so we havent seen or spoken to eachother since the fight last nihght..Im at work so miserable, thinking about asking for a separation tonight. I feel I deserve so much better...im only 27, im not bad looking, I look after my weight, im educated, im working im independent, dont i deserve a man to love me repsect me treat me like Im the most important to him, coz thats what I do to him...but its like he doesnt apreciate it at all, I mean he doesnt pay rent, has a free car, cooked food everything and still I get treated like this...

PLease give me some advice,Am I overeracting? Is this my fault? From couples who are married, how was the first year? what do do u guys do on weekends? Do you include your spouse in activities etc...Please help me, I dont know if its worth it to stay married, is this the type of man that will be a good father? is he reliable? On the other hand to break up a marriage is not a small thing either..what to do?:(





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