It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I will start by saying that I just turned 28, and she is about to turn 21 in a week and she still lives at home with parents that were never all that happy about a 28 year old being interested in their daughter.

Ok, so back in October, a mutual friend of ours decided to introduce us. He knew we had things in common, so he figured it was a good idea. Her and I hit it off from the beginning. The first time we met, it was at a sports bar while watching the football game. We exchanged numbers, and I am not exaggerating, started texting each other the minute we left the bar. The constant texting, talking, etc, went on and on, and we couldn't get enough of each other. After two weeks of this, I asked her to hang out. We did the whole coffee thing and we went for a stroll. We held hands and felt extremely comfortable. The next day, I can tell something is wrong with her. She says that she doesn't think it's a good idea to get involved because of the age difference. I tell her that I understand, and that we can just remain friends. So, we did (at this point it is mid to late November). We went right back to constantly texting, talking, etc. She even went on a date or two with other guys. Anyway, come mid-December, her and I went to dinner and a movie, and we had our first kiss. The chemistry that we had was amazing, and it all felt right. She said she couldn't deny her feelings for me anymore, but she didn't want to label us as bf/gf yet. I decided not to pressure her, so I accepted it. It went on like this through the holidays, and in late January, I asked her if we could be exclusive, and she said yes. It was great. The next few months were fantastic. We hung out all the time and talked all the time. Things started to get a little different in the month of March. You see, one of the things we had in common was our love for the gym. We would work out together almost every day. She became a certified personal trainer, and in March, she got a job at the gym that we attended. She was the only female personal trainer, and she received a lot of attentions from the many males in the gym, and she has stated before that she enjoys that because she used to be extremely heavy and insecure. Anyway, we were still fine, but we just had less time to hang out with her new job. April went by, and at the beginning of May, we got into our first argument. It was my fault, and the argument started out of jealousy. You see, there was a co-worker of hers that served as her mentor, someone that she really looked up to when it came to her profession. But, he didn't exactly respect the fact that she had a boyfriend, and would constantly flirt and make inappropriate remarks. I had been having a few rough weeks at work, and my insecurity came out. We argued a couple of times over my jealousy, and every time, I would apologize and accept full blame, and I would tell her that I would improve on it. And I did. She would tell me that she will never be with a guy that gets jealous, and has broken up with guys before over jealousy. But, I figured this was a different relationship to her. According to her, she never fell for a guy like she had me, and that she could never imagine her life without me. She would thank me all the time for being amazing to her, and for being her best friend. I was there supporting her in all that she did, whether it be school or training for a bikini competition. Her parents always gave her greif and told her that the competition thing was silly. So to sum things up, so far, we were best friends, in love, supported one another, and only had a few arguments here and there.

In the middle of May, we had a disagreement over a guy that was disrespecting her on facebook. I told the guy something, and took up for her. She became infuriated. She told me she was tired of my jealousy and that it was over. Just like was over. I had to wait till the next day to talk to her. She, out of the blue, tells me that her "feelings" have changed and that she cannot control them. She also tells me that she is tired of catching greif at home over dating me. Now, I had never, ever, done anything to make the parents disapprove of me. I treated her extremely well, and I treated them extremely well. She asked that I not contact her and that it was over. So, the following week, I go on a weekend vacation with friends, and I get weak and text her. She tells me that she misses me, and that she wants to see me when I get back. So, the day I get back, we meet at the gym for a workout. She embraces me, and tells me how miserable she was for the two weeks without me, and that she made a huge mistake. Now, to backtrack, I found out that she went on a movie date with some guy from the gym during that two week period. I asked her about this after she told me she wanted me back, and she said that it was silly and stupid on her part. So, we get back together, and have a fantastic week together. We even have sex, which is saying a lot, because she doesn't like to do it that much because of a childhood molestation that she experienced. The day after we have sex, she tells me that we cannot be together, again, because she is having to lie to her parents to see me, and her, living at home, could not handle it. She says that her dad goes by the gym randomly to check and see if I am there (I know she isn't lying about this as I have had friends from the gym see it as well). She says that she wants things to go back to the way they were at the beginning, when we were just friends, and best friends almost immediately. I'm telling you, there is some connection there with us that is amazingly strong. I tell her that I can do that, and that I don't want to lose her completely. Anyway, another week goes by, and she tells me that we can't hang out anymore and that she needs her space. I ask her if we will ever speak again, and she tells me she doesn't know. She says that she has never had to get over someone that she has cared about like me, and she says that her parents obviously don't want me in her life. I then find out through a mutual friend that she started talking to another guy the day after she broke up with me the second time, and that they are constantly talking.

Now, I am in a serious depression over this. I cannot contact her, as I know it would make matters worse. I miss my lover, but I miss my best friend the most. It hurts that she moved on so quickly, and I cannot figure out why. She told a mutual friend that she just "moves on quickly." Is there something more to it than that? Is she able to treat it this way because she is young and not sure what love really is? Is she hurting or missing me at all? Do I ever contact her again or move on? I am so confused. I just really wish that after giving her time and space, that things can eventually come back to normal. Is this just an unrealistic dream? PLEASE HELP!
Hi there,well I think there are a few different issues here, but I think its important to remember that its pointless trying to control how other people are acting/thinking/feeling etc and so all we CAN do is to concentrate on how we are ourselves.
It seems as if your jealousy and insecurity led to problems in your relationship and perhaps you blame yourself solely for the break up of it but its important to remember a few things, Firstly your ex gf is very young- at 21 she may just want to have fun and not feel in a full on relationship so it may be nothing personal to you. also, she has admitted she enjoys attention as she has lost weight and it makes her feel attractive etc. This is natural for her to feel this esp at such a young age, but I can see why it makes you feel insecure too, neither of you are right or wrong its just the way it is. we all like t feel attractive bit its hard for a partner to deal with when we love the attention. I dont know if she ever tried to play games or expect you to be more laidback re other guys and her friendships with them etc than is acceptable or, whether or not you were overly jealous which may have made her feel like it was too intense, but i think its important you realise that sometimes relationships (esp when youre both so young) often end with one feeling worse than the other, and that we almost always get over them in time.
I think its natural to feel jealous at times, Im 32 and have a brilliant partner but i still get pangs of it but I know how to handle it now. Firstly I feel good about me by enjoying spending times with friends family etc and not making him my only company, also I exercise and make sure i look the best I can so I feel confident and dont spend times worrying about what other girsl look like/can offer him etc.....and I am fortunate enough to have a good guy who reassures me when I feel a bit low etc and he would never relish my jealousy or play on it as some people do (as I know from exes!)
I think you need to focus on you and talk to friends about it but try not to focus on your ex. she knows where you are but still sounds young and like she isnt sure what she wants.
do make sure jealousy and insecurity doesnt ruin who you are as you sound like a nice guy ....theres someone out there but we usually have to kiss a few frogs first!:wave:

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:33 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!