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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi guys

me and my girlfriend are a couple since almost 4 years now. I love her more than anything and I know that she loves me more than anything too. She's visiting her sister in Melbourne Australia from May to end of July (we're from Germany btw) to help her out with her two kids (1.5 years and newborn). So now she's gone for 2 months already.
In the beginning we used to skype every day but now as she's meeting more and more people over there we're not talking that often anymore. Whenever we talk it's only for 10 minutes or so, before she has to leave again. I'm waiting every morning and every evening for her to come online mostly to be disappointed... kind of makes me feel like an idiot...

She recently got to know an artist from Melbourne's most popular street art crew. Now he's showing her around in the city and they hang out in the evening to get some beers and so on.... she told me all of this on Skype

On the one hand side I'm really happy for her that she's getting to know interesting people but on the other hand I'm also extremely jealous... I try not to show her as I really want her to enjoy her stay over there, but she did realize that the whole situation kind of depresses me. Since she realized that, she doesn’t contact me that often anymore.

I mean she told me that the guy is married and that just makes me wonder. Why would a married man hang out with a 19 year old extremely attractive girl. What does his wife think about that? Does she even know?

I found out that my girlfriend created a new email account where she corresponds with the guy. I know all of her passwords and she also knows all of my passwords. While she’s in Australia she’s enrolling for several universities here in Germany. The deal is that I then print out the application confirmations and mail them to the respective universities (post office mail… not email). So I’m not spying on her, she wants me to log into her email and take care of her university stuff.
Some time ago there was a confirmation email of a new email account she had created. I was curious and logged in to it (same password as her regular email) and saw that she uses this secret email to correspond with the guy I was talking about. They’re just using it to plan when and where to hook up again… they’re not flirting or anything…. But the fact that she’s keeping all of this a secret is killing me!!!
I’m pretty sure she’s just keeping it secret because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings and she doesn’t want me to worry… but because I know all of this, it has the the complete adverse effect. It’s driving me crazy

She also changed her facebook password. I don’t have a facebook page myself. But there have been occasions where I used her facebook to contact old friends. She offered it to me.

It just makes me think that there are things happening over there that I’m not supposed to know about and that hurts so much. I just feel like I have to get this off my chest, cause I don’t talk about this stuff with anybody.

I would appreciate your thoughts or some input….
Sometimes it is best to take a sideways approach to things. Rather than confronting her about her meetings with this married man, have you tried asking her how she feels about being there overall? Is she having a good time? Is she anxious to get home? Ask her what the first thing is that she wants to do when she gets home.

I have sort of been in your girlfriends' position ... many years ago. I was married to a very jealous man and if I so much as spoke to the fellow who was bagging my groceries, he was quite certain that I was intending to have an affair with him.

Have you shown extreme jealousy in the past? Does she have a reason to feel like she needs to hide her relationship from you? If you've never shown overt jealousy because of something she's done and she's still not being completely upfront with you? Then you've got a problem. But if jealousy has been an issue in your relationship before this, then you may have your answer right there.

My best advice to you is to proceed cautiously. And someone advised you to go out with friends more and I think that's an absolutely excellent idea. And make sure she knows that you are too. Sometimes what we take for granted isn't nearly as attractive as something we fear we might lose. It's an ugly little truth about human nature.

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