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Hi there,
Here's my story, please help me identify who is crazier, my current spouse or my ex and his g/f or maybe its just me . This will be a long post, but I really need some help..please help me!
A little background first ex and I have been divorced for 5years, my b/f and I are own a house and are coming upon our fourth year together, I have 2boys 13 & 9 whom I have an amazing relationship with, and could not ask for s/o has three kids ages 12, 10 & 7, that we see every other weekend when we are a family of 7, which I love. My ex and his g/f have two kids, so alot of kids and alot of drama. My current drama is as 13yr old came home two weeks ago after his biweekly visitation with his dad and tells me again about all the degrading remarks his dad and g/f are still making about me.( this is ongoing, and it hurts my son so desperately, yet he tells me he is too scared to speak up). I am currently in process of a court case representing myself to get past support for almost 7000, plus back support from the last few mths that is still unpaid for another 2000..Turns out my ex grilled my son for info about me, what i do with the support, does he see it anyhow, along with a slew of info that my son was overwhelmed with.. My son is 13, has NVLD , IBS and has an incredibly amount of stress dealing with his inability to deal with his dad and his dads g/f, usually resulting in many more IBS attacks and missed school days thru out the year. He is often put in a position whereas his dad controls his every move when he is visiting., and I am 100% off limits, last visit, my sons were in the same complex townhouse as we live in, and were both too afraid to some say hi..I have contacted CPS and have addressed many issues and concerns, however unless there is physical or sexual abuse, the CPS cannot do anything..I was even told, emotional abuse would be almost impossible to prove, and only after years of therapy and more court, would it be worth pursuing. I will however be addressing issues in my upcoming court date for some concerns I have, but for the rest..I am lost. When his dad is in my company ( such as recent confirmation at church In May) his dad stops my son from approaching me even recently when in the church hall, he also held my sons arm after I motioned to him , growled at him not to move, and then when I approached them was verbally abusive to me in front of my son also acting in a threatening manner, so I backed off to prevent a poor kid is all I can say... Last visit, the dad and g/f took all the kids ages 13 10 9 and 7 to the drive in, where they all watched Hangover part R rated movie, with drugs, nudity etc etc....during the movie my 13year old son advised me he told his dad that this movie was inappropriate especially for the other three kids and didnt feel they should be watching it(even though the dad felt it was fine to simply tell them to cover their eyes with the nude scenes came on):dizzy:. My ex and his s/o then pulled my son aside, said hey its only boobs, and if you tell your mother about this she will just take you away from us...etc son came home with all this bottled up info and cried to me as he told me about how much these visits stress him out, how inappropriate he feels his dads behavior is, then when I ask him what I can do to help him, he begs me to not disclose what I know or anything hes told me ( this is ongoing and his usual reply) as he's afraid his dad will be mad at him and not want to see him...When his dad is not being a poor role model, my son loves his dad,, and craves his time and affection...he begs me to keep his confidence, and I dont now how to protect him or what to Im so heart bleeds for my children, but if I disclose all their dads dirty little secrets that my son confies in me then I fear I will loose my sons faith in knowing he can talk and vent to me, and he will instead then trust no one and keep in all inside becoming even more emotionally damaged. Two nights ago, my beautiful boy graduated from gr 8, his dad was invited as this is what my son requested when I asked if he wanted him there..its so hard for me to do these things, but I do them for my children and even though his dads behavior was embarrassing at his confirmation. The dad arrived early getting great seats close to the class my son was in, I arrived late as I waited for my s/o and had to grab a seat in the back with my s/o and his sister. All went well , till the end of the ceremony, the school gave each graduating student a rose-stating to give this to the person who has most influenced your life in a positive way...all the kids gave their roses to their moms quite quickly, and when I couldn't see my son, my s/o said stand up., maybe he cant see you or where we are sitting; then I spotted heart began to break..he was standing two or three feet in front of his dad and his dads s/o and had such a look of despair on his face that I couldnt understand at first why he looked so I waved to him, and said hun Im over here....My child looked at me, and as he did at his confirmation after I motioned to him. he now again shook his head noooooo and mouthed the words..I dont know what to do over and over..My heart was breaking, I wanted to go rescue him, but he was too far away, and almost all the other kids were back sitting down..he just stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights....I knew exactly why he was frozen...the seconds that followed left me with the worst memory of all...I almost like in slow motion, watched as my son stepped forward, leaned over and gave his dad the rose, who quickly handed it to his g/f of the past year..then directed my son to lean over and hug was like watching a slow motion picture, then my son rushed back to his seat, as I sat back down my eyes wellin up with tears.. I was heart broken...and not because I didn't get the rose, but because I knew my poor son was so afraid to not give it to his dad because of how his dad might respond to him if he did, that he did only what he could do, and not what he wanted to do... The ceremony was then over, soon after my son came rushing out where I was standing, pretending to try and hold it together( not being 100% successful either) as my s/o and his sister explained how sad the whole scene was to watch, how torn my son looked, and how sad they felt for me as his mother.. then there he was , his eyes filled with tears saying over & over...its just a flower mom..dont worry...its just a flower..but it was too late...we were all a mess with emotions and both my son and I suffered with the knowing of why he did such a thing. On the way home, I was very upset and lost myself in my own pain, cried my a$$ off in the car..felt I lost control of my emotions and that added to the whole grief of it all, we were all a mess.. my s/o left to go with this sister somewhere and my two crying sons and I came home, I felt horrible at losing control of myself, these past few mths have been especially difficult..I just couldn't take it anymore..i didnt know how to contain myself, and couldnt even get a pic with my son because we were all so upset!! My eldest explained to me on the way home..Dad said to give you the rose mom, but I thought it was just a mixed message, I just didnt believe him and I thought he would just get mad later if I didnt give it to him..I didnt want Brenda ( the g/f) to have it, he passed it to her, I was very stressed out about the whole thing, I didnt want to hurt anyone......What a mess of tears and snot and 9yer old ran and locked himself in his room, and my 13yr and I were holdin each other forgiving each other over & over...lost in emotion and pain.
At this time, I see my s/o come in and go upstairs, I though for a sec I seen flowers, but quickly forgot about it as the moment was a mess..the doorbell rings, its my ex with a gift for my son, he asks my s/o who answered the door if he could see him. I told my son to go, I would be fine, however minutes later he came back with "the" rose.....saying Oh Brenda and Dad said I should give it to you, and you should always come first ( meanwhile Im referred to a the Bia-tch and IT on the weekend visits, and have been for the past two years) but now..they confuse my son even further and insist I be treated as " gold"...I am reluctant, but take the rose to make my son happy as he runs out the door..
I actually cried all night, and most of yesterday about this whole thing, as my hands feel so tied to help my kids. I know my ex is doing his best to alienate me as much as he my sweet s/o takes the day off to comfort me, I feel helpless, hopeless, depressed more then Ive ever felt, crying almost all day again yesterday....feeling so dang lost, yet my loving s/o pats my back all day telling me how sad the whole thing is... but wait dont forget the last piece of this crazy gets a little nuttier even....late in the evening, my tears finally dried out, I am mobile, am beginning to feel more in control of my emotions and then i remember something ..I have a flash of my s/o with the flowers the night b4..and I say..Hey babe...didnt I see you with flowers yesterday?? Yes yes you did...Oh ok, well where are they now, I dont see them?? Oh i gave them to your son last night...Ok well what did he child do with them I ask innocently..I wonder if they are in his room all wilted away like the rose that sat downstairs from the exs g/f..and then I hear it...Oh No..No I gave him the flowers last night and told him to go give them to Brenda, my exs s/o..seemed like a good idea at the time??? That is when my jaw me crazy..but WHAT IS THAT??? He tells me he seen it as an olive branch, that it seemed like a good idea at the cant face anger with more anger...all I heard was blah blah blah..and he continued since the rose was returned to me that everyone actually deserves flowers so thats why...OMG I almost wanted to kill him, throw up , I swear my sadness turned to rage and I again flipped out...he continued to say if Brenda was so nice to RETURN the ROSE, then maybe..EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A ROSE..I feel betrayed even more now, he failed to tell me, and I could not believe my ears!! He did admit he bought me the flowers, but he said he thought it would make my son feel better to give them to her( as his perception of the whole thing was that my son really did want to give that rose to her, and maybe he though I instead must have guilted my son so badly that he musta asked for the rose back..also defending it was only fair she should have flowers too). My head was spinning, I even thought,,,man i should end this now..i asked him if he considered an alternate reason as to why we were all upset, he is full knowing about all the crap going quietly later I asked my son.,.,so i hear you were given more flowers to give Brenda last night..Son- yeah I was, I didnt get it though, I dont know why (my s/o) did that..I woulda really rather I gave them to was dads s/o didnt even say anything was kinda strange.
Last note on this crazy story...I fully believe my s/o has undiagnosed AS...and if this could be why his thinking is all messed up..then at least I can have that...but right now I feel more betrayed then ever..I would rather just show him the door, however I do love him, Im currently unemployed and going to go back to college in Sept, however this was just a crazy ending to a crazy two days.....Im soooo messed up..I dont even have a tear left to shed..:dizzy:

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