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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=CadenceA;4791025]Just because something "shouldn't" be doesn't make it untrue. Make sense? No, you "shouldn't" have to live like a nun, of course not, but if you're going to be feeling guilty and if you're just going to be thinking about Joe while you're out with another man, well...that's your reality. People run into trouble when they don't want to accept reality.

I think you HAVE accepted it, and I think you are dealing with this situation very rationally and well. You realize you still love Joe and it kind of makes you angry and frustrated. But that's OK. That's just the way things are for now, but you do know you won't feel this way forever.

You certainly can force yourself to go ahead and date anyway and just deal with the feelings of guilt it gives you until those feelings go away, or you can wait until you are in a place where those feelings no longer exist before you try to make something work with someone else. I just think if you do decide to continue dating this man, first of all realize he could be your "transition" man (meaning it will only last as long as you are in this transition phase), and secondly, be honest with him about your feelings of guilt and the fact that you are not apart from Joe by choice, but because he decided to end it, and you are still "getting over" him. If this man is a nice man, he deserves the truth, just like you'd prefer a man be truthful with you.[/QUOTE]

You're right on many points, Cadence. Thank you for your candor. I don't think this fellow could even be my "transition" guy. The physical attraction for me simply isn't there. But I will tell him in the nicest possible way. I have been very upfront about the fact that I was not in a position to begin a new relationship, that I was looking for Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right.

I just got frustrated with myself for feeling like I was cheating on Joe. I have always, [I]always[/I] been able to act and think in a rational manner so this bit of irrational thinking came out of nowhere and I didn't quite know what to do with it.

You know what? I am 51 years old. I was married for 20 years. Played the field for about 8 years and had three marriage proposals during that time. But I think that Joe is the first guy I have ever truly loved. Isn't that sad? My girlfriends used to tease me, saying that I needed to give lessons in "How to Break up with a Man" because I was so good at it, had done it so many times. I always felt remorse for hurting them and sometimes felt lonely without them. Even when I was the one who didn't initiate the break-up, I found it easy to move on. So this feeling of being "stuck", at my age, is a new one and one I'm finding it incredibly hard to deal with.





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