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I think it doesn't matter what's at the core of him behaving this way. He's verbally abusive. Maybe one day if he ever gets tired of women either leaving him or being too weak and low in self esteem to leave, he'll change, maybe he won't. But this is who he is. And staying with him will only chip away at your self worth and your self esteem that you won't even recognize yourself. It will sneak up on you and one day you won't like what you see in the mirror at all, you won't have any trust in your own judgment you won't even feel like leaving the house.

I've been there. I stayed with a man who said mean things, who talked me down, who just didn't seem to think I was special in any way, in fact who didn't really think I was much of anything. Those precious few sweet, tender moments kept me there hoping I could make the bad, mean guy go away and the sweet, tender guy come out for good. But I can tell you from personal experience what a total waste of time and energy it is. You can't change him, you can't save him, you can't fix him, and you can't love him into loving you the way you want to. You don't have that kind of control over him. No one has that kind of control over another human being unless that human being allows themselves to be controled, and it sounds like he won't. So that means you have two choices - 1) stay with him and be verbally beaten down and stay miserable and feeling low and worthless or 2) leave him and be free and keep your sanity and be available to find a nice guy who will treat you well and who won't want to damage you. I'm sure you can tell which one I think you should choose. But this is your life, and you only get one, and it's short. You can either waste it being treated badly by some jerk, standing on your head and oing somersaults, trying to love him into changing his mind about you like it will make some kind of difference, wishing he will one day magically change into someone else, or you can spend it with your head held high, following your dreams and passions, and surrounding yourself with good people who respect you and treat you right. The choice is totally yours, and what you end up with at the end of it all, will be because of the choices you make. After all, it doesn't make a lot of sense to willingly stay with someone who treats you like dirt, begging them to change, when you have the freedom to walk away from them and not subject yourself to their shoddy treatment of you, and then get upset because they treated you so badly for all those years, right? You were the one who stayed there and decided to let them keep hurting you. Now, far be it from me to victim blame, that's not what I'm doing. But in my situation, the thing I regret the most is not being able to find out how to be the woman that he could treat well. What I regret most is not being true enough to myself to not walk away when the poor treatment first started.

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