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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hello all. I've been here before to let things off my chest, so I'll do so again.

This is about my current relationship. I'm 21, he's 19. He's a great guy and all, but I've come to realize that he's.... what's the word I want... I can't think of one. I'll explain instead.

He is currently out of town for a friend's funeral, so last night we were texting. One of the last things I said to him was that I would be taking a shower in the morning. Normally I shower at night with him, but I was tired and needed to wake up early for breakfast with my dad and be ready so he could take me to work. Well, shower is taken right now anyways, I forgot dad showers in the mornings. Point is, my boyfriend first texted me asking why I was showering in the morning. Then, when I didn't have a good enough response, he called me at one o clock in the morning to discuss it. He asked why I'm showering in the morning, then said what was really on his mind. He said that when I shower in the morning, I usually get "dolled up", so I must be trying to get dolled up for our boss at work.

This really irked me. I went to bed angry. Then, because he asked me to, when I woke up I called him. I couldn't help but still be irked about it. When I tried to explain that 1. I didn't have to tell him I was showering in the morning. 2. I'm not going to get all dolled up. He brushed that off as me "telling him what he wants to hear." Then he said that his day has started off bad and when we got off the phone, "Guess I'll go have 'fun' at my friends funeral."

This isn't the first time he's done this sort of thing. In our relationship history, he has accused me of wanting to be with my gay male friends, having sex with someone and contracting chlamydia and giving it to him (he's my first sexual partner, and ONLY), and when some random guy at college told him he seen ME kissing some guy at 11 at night, he believed him because 'I couldn't prove it wrong'. I can honestly say I have never cheated on my boyfriend. But he is constantly paranoid that I will, or have, or something. Usually when we get into arguments about this stuff, he always pushes the blame onto me. I really can't stand it, to the point that I sometimes think about growing old and dying alone because that would be a lot more stress free.

He cooks and cleans and does all that good stuff. He's a great guy, but he's hard to be in a relationship with. It's like he looks for something to worry about and exaggerates it.

When we do fight about this stuff, as we did in the past about all of those other things, it is mostly him questioning me and me trying to fight off his accusations with logic. Sometimes the questions are so ungrounded that I can't answer them, and that makes me a liar to him.

We are both in IT, so his computer knowledge kicks in and he will look at my computer history sometimes. When things look strange, such as the logs showing that at 7:45 I was at this page, then nothing happened until 10:21, he will think I deleted all of the history between those times in order to hide something from him. We both deleted our 'social networking site' because it led to arguments. I never talk to any of my internet friends anymore because he gets upset and accuses me of either talking about him, or wanting to be with them.

I do have a past history with online dating, and I did have a crush on an older man once. He uses this to justify his accusations. It's like my past is coming back to haunt me, even though I'm not actually doing anything. In fact, everyone has some sort of past they aren't proud of, but it's like mine is used against me constantly.

He says that he isn't keeping me from having a 'social networking site' or talking to my online friends. He isn't. But if I do get a 'social networking site' or talk to my friends, he will probably just accuse me of trying to hide something from him. So I choose not to do those things, to make it more stress free. But this has led to me being lonely, because I can't talk to anyone about this sort of stuff that I am posting here.

It has gotten to the point that even when he is away, I do not talk to anyone. I don't bother, because every time he goes away he accuses me of doing something. I don't want to give him something more to go off on.

My question? What is his problem? And how do I approach this, because I know it will continue as long as I remain with him.





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