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Getting over him.
Jul 9, 2011
I was dating a man who lives very close to me. We are both middle-aged; he is twice divorced (that I know of), & I am a widow 8 yrs now. He is the first serious acquaintance I've had since my husband passed. This man & I had amazing chemistry for a few months, & had a lot in common, but as we began spending more time together & getting closer physically, he slowly down & pulled back. The excuses kept coming how he all of a sudden couldn't handle a serious relationship due to his obligations at work & with his elderly mother. He also spoke often about his ex gf, who supposedly moved out on him but yet they maintained contact as they worked together & belonged to the same bowling league. He had relationships prior to her; not sure how many, but he had them. I don't know if has a wife somewhere that he hasn't told me about that he may be separated from...he denied it all along, but my gut told me otherwise.
I read all the signs... how they make you do most of the work to hold onto them. He ignored me on holidays, my birthday....anything that had a personal attachment. Yet he absolutely loved showing me off on his arm in public, and made me feel like I was his perfect girlfriend...without officially giving me that status. When I asked him what we were (bf/gf), he replied back to me with the same question...'I don't know, what are we?' He would be so into me, then disappear on me for days or weeks at a time, where I could never seem to reach him. He preferred text messaging, and would do that or call me when it suited him or if he felt like talking with me.
A few months ago after spending a weekend with him, I began feeling the slow fade, and now I feel like a used piece of crap. I loved this man with my whole heart. He talked about us doing things together but never followed thru. He never asked me for a dime, but he was not a big spender. He loved his 'toys'...his cars, trucks, motorcycle, etc. Now he has been completely ignoring me for the past 2 months, despite my trying to reach out to him to see how he is, wanting to spend a little time together to talk, etc. He won't reply....just cut me cold. Then to make things worse in the way that I've been feeling....I saw some candid pics from an event that we both enjoyed going to together. He was there with another woman, & probably has no clue these candid pics were even taken. I am devastated. I was embarrassed around my children who saw me crying beyond control & seeing me sick to my stomach. I have so much anger inside of me. I am a beautiful (he even told me how beautiful I was & how he loved how I looked), respectful, kind, loving woman in a professional position. He lives 5 minutes away from me. I am in counseling now to try to deal with my feelings, & I feel I won't feel better or be able to push thru this control he has now over me. He is holding all the cards knowing I want to speak with him & I know he is screening his calls. I feel I need to tell him what a low life jerk he is. What threw me off during the time I was with him was that he always treated me so well when I was with him, he did nice things for me around my house, but he was not persistent in following thru with things he said he would do with or for me. When I wasn't with him, he was a million miles away.
Please I need solid advice here. My counselor & friends tell me to walk, just cut it cold like did to me. I can't seem to do that....the anger is inside of me. Writing a letter & tearing it up isn't working.
Thank you

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