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Relationship Health Message Board


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Here is my thought. If you are still 20 and he is 23, I would suggest long-distance relationship until both you and he graduate or get a job...

In some cases, the girlfriend is in the same school or finishes her own college. Then she marries the guy who is for PhD program and moves with him. Some of them have kids while being with the husband for PhD program (this is some advanced program that takes a long time and often the wife has kids at this time.) Also the wife would get a master in the same school. This is common esp. when they go to another country for school. (This is common if the couple comes from Asia.)

In your case, I think you are still young. Also, you say if you move to where he is, you will have your own apt and job and etc.... I see it as too much trouble to live for him. You are not married. The risk is he may still change his mind and dump you down the road.... You would end up being alone in his city feeling heartbroken...
My feeling is, without any commitment, live for your own life for now and listen to your parents (not to be controlled by your parents.) Maybe you can even get into your own graduate program in your own schools.... If this long-distance thing goes well, when he graduates with PhD and you have a good job, you guys may be able to find a place to get together and marry.

I don't agree that a girl should go a long distance just to live for the boyfriend or even live with him without any commitment. It is not fair for the girl.

BTW, Just want to tell you that my nephew was in medical shcool for a long while and his girlfreind (his wife now) was in another school in another state for a PhD program. They graduated and went back to their home state in the same city (their families are in the same area. They met in the hometown.) Then they got married and are having another kid. This took lots of patience apparently...
(They were sort of frends after they broke up first and then went back together when they were finishing school. It is not easy.)

However, one option seems Ok at this point: If for you own sake and career/school, his city is a very good one, you can move there for your sake. Remember, don't just live for him.
Having an open relationship while you guys are far away from each other is not a bad idea.

Nina





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