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Relationship Health Message Board


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It could be that I have a more suspicion nature, I don't know, but I just don't like the way this smells. His older kids from his first marriage know that he had an affair with you, they know he had a baby with you, but they DON'T know that he's still seeing you and that he and their mother are divorcing? Is that right? I think in the long run, that can really do damage to the kids. I think he's only confusing them by staying at their house for months at a time. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you. Yes, they are his family, but so are you and your daughter. You are his family, too. He should be at the point where he's out of the house for good and the kids know that he will always be there for him but that he doesn't live there anymore and he's not mom's husband anymore. I mean, they've never even met their half-sister and the woman who, according to all this, most likely will be their step-mom? That just doesn't seem right.

I don't think you can force the issue. I suppose he needs to do things in his own way and in his own time. But I would not be so inclined to make it easy for him to have his cake and eat it, too. Your daughter is only a few months old now, so it's not that much of a deal to her now, but it won't be long before she'll be old enough to wonder who this guy is who comes over, then goes away. I think when there are children involved, the adults owe it to them to know what the heck they are doing. It doesn't seem like he knows what the heck he's doing. He's spreading himself too thin, and you and your daughter are getting the short end of the stick. Once the divorce is final, and you and he can establish a more solid relationship, you and your daughter should be invited to family functions and such. My brother dated a divorced woman for a while. Her divorce was like a year old, and it was uncomfortable at first, but life moves on. They all had thanksgiving dinner together, her and my brother, her ex husband and their two boys, and the ex husband's new girlfriend. And her boys were 7 and 11, much younger than high school. Makes me wonder if he's really protecting his kids, or just afraid to move onto the next part of his life, let go of the marriage and be with you and your daughter. You have some time yet, I'd say see how he handles this holiday season. If he's still treating you like the shameful "other woman" and keeping you and your child separate and away from his older kids, that's a problem that you will have address, for your own sake and for the sake of your child. She deserves to have some stability and to know what the situation is, and is going to be.





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