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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
he has said get out many a times now, i did actually get out the other day, he then threatened to chase after me so i ran through a forest in fear to get away, he ended up at my doorstep waiting.
everytime he has said get out before, i have got up to go and then he says if you go its over, i stand there like a weak person and sit back down again, he says you never leave so stop seeking drama...
i have thought about the personality thing and looked into it,

last time we argued, he started punching himself in the head, kicking a car and saying he is going to kill himself!
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
i feel like i need to help him in someway,
his parents are saying how they havent heard him laugh in so long and i have changed him by getting him out the house,
he is always at home, playing a game no doubt, and just doesnt want to help himself.
i cant ever be annoyed at him because he tells me to get over it, ]
but its always a different story when he gets mad at the smallest things.
i dont know why i want him so much,
my friend said if he wasnt as good looking would i allow it with someone else,
i said no, so it has to be a fear of not finding someone as good looking again either.
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
[QUOTE=limeparty;4802508]i feel like i need to help him in someway,
his parents are saying how they havent heard him laugh in so long and i have changed him by getting him out the house,
he is always at home, playing a game no doubt, and just doesnt want to help himself.
i cant ever be annoyed at him because he tells me to get over it, ]
but its always a different story when he gets mad at the smallest things.
i dont know why i want him so much,
my friend said if he wasnt as good looking would i allow it with someone else,
i said no, so it has to be a fear of not finding someone as good looking again either.[/QUOTE]

But here's what you need to understand...you CAN'T help him. You can't take medication for him. You can't go to therapy for him. You can't will him to get help, or even to want to get help. And in fact, every single time you stay when he tells you to get out, and every time you come back, you are telling him he doesn't need to get help. You are telling him he doesn't really need to change, because you will sit there and take as much abuse as he feels like dishing out. So why should he change or get help? Do you see how putting up with it is actually doing HIM just as much harm as it's doing you? He needs to get better. And he'll never get better as long as he has no reason to. You're giving him the best reason of all to stay sick, by staying. And you're making yourself sick in the process.

And as far as his looks go, is having someone good looking really worth living like this? Maybe you're proud to be on his arm. But how proud would you be to have everyone see how he really treats you? They say "looks aren't everything." And they say it for a reason.
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
you see the maddest thing is,
if someone else came to me with this problem, i would just love to shake them and tell them to look at reality, its crazy when you are actually in the situation yourself.

i know there is no future,
but right now i cannot imagine being away from him, even though it has been a short time, it seems long.
i missed a holiday for him, i dont want to be regretting anything and certainly dont want to hurt him
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
now THIS is what frightens me,
he texts me today asking if he can stilll come round tonight, i said no my parents wont let you but ill see you tomorrow, ive seen you all weekend id like a night in, he went crazy saying youd rather stay home than see me blah blah and now he said its over,
for the first time, i said okay.
now hes calling me a cheating sl** and hes gonna wait at my bus stop and i will now see why people dont like him and are afraid of him.
hes threatened to make my life hell if it was ever to be over, except he just made it over!

even tho this seems a good thing right..
i know for a fact tonight we will have made up and ill be back to square one again, nothing changes and i feel there is no way out!
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 18, 2011
[QUOTE=limeparty;4802581]now THIS is what frightens me,
he texts me today asking if he can stilll come round tonight, i said no my parents wont let you but ill see you tomorrow, ive seen you all weekend id like a night in, he went crazy saying youd rather stay home than see me blah blah and now he said its over,
for the first time, i said okay.
now hes calling me a cheating sl** and hes gonna wait at my bus stop and i will now see why people dont like him and are afraid of him.
hes threatened to make my life hell if it was ever to be over, except he just made it over!

even tho this seems a good thing right..
i know for a fact tonight we will have made up and ill be back to square one again, nothing changes and i feel there is no way out![/QUOTE]

I think you should call the cop if he threatens you like that. If he will stalk you and all that. This is not normal.
Why do you have to agree with him just because he threatens you? Let him.
When he said it is over. Tell him yes it is over. Don't stay just because you are afraid of him. If you worry about his state of mind, it is not your job.

Call the police if he goes too far. He needs some authority to stop his threats.
This is better for your parents too - or he would threaten your family too.
Don't say no way out. Get help. Get the police. If you say you have no way out, this means it is worse for you. Get out if you want to live safely.

Hugs,
Nina
Re: Angry boyfriend
Jul 19, 2011
Interesting how he wouldn't get any help until you left him, now suddenly he decides he wants help. I guarantee if you go back, he'll decide he doesn't need help after all, or he'll go to one counseling session and then come up with some BS excuse as to why he can't possibly go again (doesn't like the counselor, the counselor hates men, he's "cured", only crazy people need counseling, he can't afford it, he doesn't have time, etc.). He'll agree to anything just to get you to come back, then if you do, it will take him all of MAYBE three days before he starts abusing you again. PLUS, he'll have to "punish" you for leaving him, for daring to see friends, for daring to activate your online profile, for making him cry and stand in the rain...and this time it will be a really bad one. You could end up hospitalized or worse.

I would not see him or talk to him. You can easily change your number (I did and it took me 20 minutes to text all my contacts with my new number), you can send him ONE email (not a text or he'll have your new number) telling him if he shows up at your door you are calling the police. He is to leave you alone.

Remember, what he did to you is NOT love. He did not hit and abuse you because he loves you so darn much. He did it because he's a mean, insecure man who takes his low self esteem and frustrations in life out on someone he thinks is weaker, and he thinks he has the right to abuse you. That is not love, not one bit.





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