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Me: 30/m in a relationship of over a year.
Backstory: Back in 2006, I dated this girl seriously, for roughly 7 months. I fell pretty hard and she did too. She professed her infatuation for me and we started dating (I would see her sometimes at the neighboring college in the sport we both played). We broke up after 7 months and in that time we both dated 1 or 2 people. Reasons for the breakup were really her not being able to deal with myself not being expressive enough (She also has daddy issues etc). 3 months later we decide to give it another go. Date another 7 months. I go on a trip with buddies to Mexico and get broken up with (as my trip also fell on her birthday to which she was salty about) over email. She found someone else at a running race and immediately hit it off the day she broke up with me. They move in together soon thereafter (lives 200 miles away), engaged after 8 months, married after 1.5 years.
Fast forward to now: After 3.5 years of being together, I found out 2nd hand that she is now getting a divorce (like this week.) Stated reasons thus far are 1. Husband is a doc in residency and works like crazy aka never around. 2. He wants kids, she does not. 3. He had made weird comments to her, like “Hey I work with ladies that are volumptous, why aren’t you? (she’s skinny).
Now 2 months ago, she had sent me texts late at night saying she missed talking to me etc. We texted a few times and that was the end of it. Before that, she sent a nice email talking about how she was sorry for how things ended. It all kind of makes sense now…
Now for me and my feelings: I have been dating a sweet girl now for a little over a year. I could see myself marrying her. HOWEVER, I find that my feelings are not coming around for me like they did for this ex I described. My ex was the type to be very insecure, needy, and flying off the handle. My current g/f is way more secure and processes her feelings (she’s a counselor) and is very level headed. I have also not said the 3 word phrase yet, although she did starting 6-7 months ago. I feel bad about this. I have been so used to dating girls (like the one ex in this post) who are very needy and insecure that it kept me on my toes. Now I’m dating an awesome girl who lets me do anything (within reason of course) and is very satisfied in what I do for her and is very loyal. I just am not on the same level of love with her as she is for me (and as I have been in my past.) She is very predictable and doesn’t have me guessing which leads me to believe I am somewhat bored. I have been lately stalking my recently divorced ex a lot on FB and part of me wants her to be a homewrecker and try to get me back. She is moving back to my area and I’m sure I will be seeing a lot more of her.

So what is a man to do in this situation. My ex’s recent availability has lead me to look at my own relationship under more of a microscope now. I do know that usually going after someone freshly divorced is a BAD BAD choice. In my mind I can visualize things working out if I were to go back (which everyone tells me is a bad choice anyways because of the great girl I already have) things working out great but in real life, this sort of thing usually is very complicated and is a mess. And my gut tells me I will probably be left by her as quick as she left me last time, thus leaving me with no one.
Do temptations like this happen for all men that are in relationships or married? It sucks! I want to remain loyal but part of my heart is swaying back to old (and unstable) grounds with a woman that is probably poison! Should I just try to work on what is in front of me and that will solve my issue?





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