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I am not offended by your reply, in fact I appreciate your honesty. It is only the last couple of days that I've been able to put all the pieces together of what's been going on with me. But even after realizing the issues (illness?) I have to address, this morning when he left without saying goodbye felt *real* and I truly felt validated by being hurt. Even talking about this now, I still do. I simply don't know how to determine what's irrational. And I assume by your reply that being upset about this morning was just that.

I just want someone to shut my brain off for a little while. My mind races with negative thoughts and it seems to be getting worse. I'm so afraid I will never be at peace internally. I did bring this to my boyfriend's attention last night and he was very supportive. But later when I asked if he'd go with me to a session if the therapist thought it was a good idea, he didn't jump at the idea so I got upset because I expected him to want to do whatever it takes to help.

I can't stand this. I'm so afraid that I just won't be happy unless I'm alone. At least that way, I won't be making anyone else miserable.

And as far as interests/hobbies, I do have some, and picked up a couple new ones this year. But I don't have the money right now to do some of the things I'd like (like yoga, cooking class, etc.) so it's a vicious circle.
So I have a question to both, if my current boyfriend is not right for me, how do I know I wouldn't behave the same way with someone who has a different personality? I am really trying to take a good look at myself and read more last night about smothering and found a good site. I cringed when I read the "signs" because I've done almost all of them. So it seems that I'm one extreme and he tends to be on the other. When it sounds to him as if I'm talking about taking all the blame, he quickly corrects me that he knows he has to work on things too. I guess I feel that as long as he's able to look at himself, then we have a chance.

Everything could be going good and all it takes isfor him to say one little thing that's not "perfect" in my head and that's when I start questioning what he meant by it. And I keep asking questions, talking about it, on and on until I find some way to appease my anxiety but by that time, an argument starts and it gets worse, not better. If I text him and get a one word answer, I start thinking he's mad or that something's wrong. So I text him again asking if everything's ok, and this happens alot. When I think rationally, I realize he could've been sleeping, working (he does construction so it's hard to talk or stop what he's doing), driving, etc. but when I'm stuck, all rationale goes out the window and I spiral and that's when the axiety kicks in. Not making excuses for him by any means but thinking about it at the moment, *I* would drive me crazy too.

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