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Relationship Health Message Board


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Its sounds like he is very insecure and it will only get worse as time goes on. EVERYONE who has had a relationship carries some sort of baggage with them, however, it is NO excuse to ever belittle or disrespect your partner. Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect. How is him treating you like that being respectful to you? Do you call people terrible names if you respect them?

I'm sorry but with all of those disorders that you mentioned and his refusal to take his medications it's not going be better if you go up. These are HUGE red flags that are the size of a building waving in front of you.

It's your decision to go up there, however, I hope you are prepared to be his emotional punching bag. His outburst/anger won't stop there and without him taking his medications, it could get violent. He is NOT going to change and you CAN NOT save him or his disorders. He is the only one that can do that.

[QUOTE=Ms Tee;4805291]
(Breaking up is not an option for me! I love him, and he is perfect in ever regard, besides this one. I just need help on dealing with this!)[/QUOTE]

This is where I think everyone who reads this will disagree with you. You ALWAYS have the option to walk away and he is far from being perfect. If a friend of yours posted this and you read it, would you really tell them that this is a great relationship to be in??

Also, as much as I hate to say it, Love DOES NOT EQUAL HAPPINESS. Only you can decide if you want to be happy or if you want to be miserable while making yourself believe it's love.
I, too, am in a relationship much like this one. There seems to be no easy answer. I, just like you, love him very much. He and I have known each other for 11 years but just recently started dating. We've kept in touch through out the years, always knowing there was a connection but never doing anything about it because the timing was wrong. Either I was with someone, or he was with someone, or he was living somewhere else, and vice versa. Finally, the time seemed right a few months ago and here we are.

My boyfriend also has some issues. He does suffer from OCD and has been diagnosed as clinically depressed, as have I, both years ago, but we've both gotten over that. He was also diagnosed split personality disorder as well. He has been cheated on in every relationship he has ever been in before me, so I know he has trust issues. He is also very insecure, due to baggage from last relationships and childhood.

It is not easy to deal with, I know. I am bombarded on a daily basis with questions about every detail of every sexual experience I've had. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done. I surrounded myself with a bad group of people who influenced me to do a lot of stuff. I was a victim of the "chameleon identity" if you will. I struggled since childhood about my identity, stemming from adoption. I've also been sexually abused and molested. These are all roots of my behavior later with sex. But this doesn't seem to phase him except when he's himself. When we are great and he is truly who I see him as, we talk maturally and he understands the reasons behind my actions and accepts it. Then very quickly at times, and other times it takes longer, he'll snap and forget everything and doubt me. He'll say that I was doing those things because it was truly me and will call me bad names that I won't post. He'll tell me that he won't touch me again or kiss me. Another frustrating thing is when he gets in his mood, he'll start with one thing I did that he is not happy about, then he'll go straight to another and just list everything I've done. He'll find ways to do this in different contexts, in turn making me feel worthless and truly feel like I was slut, even though I know I wasn't. It's sad because I want so badly to build a relationship, but it's being sabatoged by constant obsession about the past.

I've tried so many things to handle his moods. I've tried discussing on his terms, I've tried refusing to answer (which only makes him think the worst even though he knows all details already), I've tried giving him space by leaving the room or he'll go for a drive (which tends to help, but not all the time), I've tried distracting him, I've tried focusing on US and tell him how much I love him and the reasons why, I've threatened to leave, I've ignored him and just sat there while he goes to town on talking nonstop about it then it turns into insults. Nothing works, plain and simple.

I've left in the middle of his moods on numerous occasions, only to come back because I love him. I've even broken up with him, leading to dangerous behavior on his part. It scared me, so of course I went back to him the next day. He has also threatened to break things off because my past is too much to deal with. I've told him time and time again that he's with ME, not my past. Accept ME, be with ME! It doesn't help. I show him as much as I can how much I love him. I reassure him a lot that he is everything I've ever wanted (minus the past obsession) and that I want that strong man to shine. I've seen how great we are, I see it all the time. But it's tarnished by constant questions and discussions that turn into insults and yelling.

There was talk about moving in together, however I put my foot down on that and we are no longer planning on doing that, atleast not until things get better and stable. We've talked about getting help, but he thinks we need help because of MY issues (aka....my past). I think we both need to talk to a professional separately and together because we clearly both have dealt with a lot in life and we are not strong enough to deal with it on our own.

Maybe you two should seek help?? Especially if you decide to move there. Maybe tell him that the only way you'll be moving there is if he will go with you to seek help.

I'm right there with you and feel your misery. We both need to prepare ourselves that even though we feel breaking up is just not an option because we love them so much, it may be the only option eventually. We both need to think of our own mental and emotional health. We love our men, but we need to love ourselves more, especially if we're being abused.

I hope nothing but the best for you and him and hope you find contentment and peace.





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