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I am been having an emotional affair for the past four years. I am obsessed with him and have given if thousands of pounds (25,000) to help with his business and given him gifts. I have used my savings and now owe credit cards of the past four years. I say it is an emotional affair because it is purely platonic and a friendship. I am married with no children and I am 47 years old, he is 48 years olds with a partner and a daughter of age 7. He has lived with his partner for about 12 years and she has a son and daughter, 19 and 15 respectively. He has been married before for about 7 years but got divorced as he wanted a family. He then moved in relatively quickly with his current partner. It has been a rocky road , he his partner at one point but then went back four months later as he missed is daughter too much. He says he stays because of his daughter and that he hates his partner guts but that has changed lately and I no longer believe that is the case, but I don;t know what happens on a day-to-day basis. Well what have I done to get myself in this mess, given him loads of money , he has given me back some but is it pennies in comparison, he has bought vans, cars, been on holiday (I paid 1,000 for him and his daugther to go to disneyland paris) he said he would pay me back but I haven;t received anything and that was in February this year.I;ve paid to have his company van signed and his car, bought loads of stuff on e-bay, bought him an old classic car, currently renting two garages at 100 a month for him to store two of his cars, and it goes on. When do we see each other and what do we do, we meet for coffee/hot choc at either Starbucks, or our local park pub , usually spend half hour , not more, apart from when we are either going to a football match, which is a few times a year, or picking up a classic car, or like last friday taking him to pick up his van after being serviced. Anyway, last night he said he would meet with me for a coffee, and then rang to say he only had FIVE minutes in the car park, as his partner had rung him to say dinner was being served up. Then he said he would ring me today, which he hasn;t , I've sent him a couple of texts to say if I dont hear back then I will assume he cant be bothered anymore with me, and another one to say disappointed not heard from you, let me know what you want to do with the garages and basically you owe me 100 for e-bay stuff. Still no reply, so he is blanking me, he could have texted or phoned at some point. I left a voicemail and that's it. I am not going to try anymore. I am a total loser for doing all this, I cant get my head around why he acts as he does, it would only have taken a phone all or text. This just winds me up, and I think he is snubbing me because he thinks my texts are the same old thing. But when I start to write about everything I've given him (willingling I mgiht add) but he hasnt really refused either, I feel stupid,and that I deserve more, maybe I have been trying to buy his love. I have red the book When women love too much but that doesn;t help me get over the hurt I am feelign at the moment. My head says one thing and my heart says another. There is no way he will ever in a milion years be able to me back what he owes, so in essence the money has been a gift, an expensive gift. I would be interested to hear from a male perspective how a man thinks about these things, is it shes a mug she gives me all this money and all she wants is to meet me for a coffee . Margaretrose
Hi there, thanks for that, I know I shouldn;t keep calling him, I know it winds him up, but its really difficult not to. I just end up getting myself in a worse state over it. You are right in your comments about him liking the money and the other things I do for him, and he has said in the past what you said that the money etc comes with too high a price in terms of being able to meet up for coffee etc. He looks at things completely different to me, I get home from work, and eager to jump in the car to go meet him, and sit for half an hour with a coffee, he has said in the past that he should be using that time getting home sitting with his daughter. But on that point, his partner takes her daughters to irish dance lessons quite a number times of the week and he is usually left on his own. I have to look over the four year period and we have managed to meet up regularly for coffee , and I am surprised actually that his partner hasn;t got suspicious and his stopped seeing me. I am open and honest with my mum and husband and just say, I'm off out now and that don;t bother me about it and have accepted it. I do look at things completely different, I am a free spirit with no real responsibilities can come and go as I please. Have I been misreading him all this time , a leopard never changes its spots. I actually can;t even think of a time that I have been absolutely relaxed with him, his always got time issues. If we have been to a football match we have to get out five minutes before the games over and literarlly run to the car to avoid the rush, now it is was mean I would just accept that there would be a traffic queue. But I have read on web sites that if he lies to his partner which he is doing then he is probably lieing to me at some point too. I have seen a therapist before and after the six or so sessions, I was still no better and just went back to my old ways. I have a short snap of being realistic but most of time am liviing in a unreal fantasy world.

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