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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi, everyone. I'm new here.

I'm 24 and have been in a serious relationship with my 33-year-old boyfriend for two and a half years. We live together and recently got a cat. He (my boyfriend) is my greatest friend, often I cannot express in words how happy he makes me. He is loving, patient, generous, incredibly funny, and has proven himself to be the most honest, morally sound man I have ever known...and I am no longer sexually attracted to him. We have not had sex in over 8 months. We have tried, but I am never able to go through with it, and it's getting harder to come up with reasons and excuses.

I should add that there are outside influential circumstances: I was in a sexually abusive relationship for 7 months before meeting him, although this did not affect my initial attraction to him and the sex we had in the first several months, so I am not sure how much of a role my past really plays in it. I am also on the birth control pill, but I have been on birth control since the age of 16 and it has never affected my sex drive. I have tried switching pills several times since this started, to no avail.

He is incredibly patient and has never made me feel like I "should" be having sex with him, he has never once expressed anger towards the situation and is very understanding, which only compounds my guilt. I have had sexual thoughts and fantasies about other men, so I don't think my libido is completely gone. I know he is still very attracted to me.

Is a complete and utter lack of sexual chemistry a good reason for breaking off an otherwise healthy relationship? I cannot imagine my life without him if we broke up and he would be utterly shattered and alone; he has no living family, and no real friends because he has always been a loner and his job is quite demanding. I realize none of this is my fault, but it still makes things difficult. He talks about our future children and buying a house casually, as though he intends to propose at some point, and this thought makes me feel nervous and guilty. I am not sure what aspects of the relationship I should be evaluating and what would be an effective remedy for our situation.

Sorry for the long post- any help or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you so much.





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