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This has begun to develop into a serious issue that's causing a lot of fights between us and stress on the relationship.

Some background: I'm 25 she's 19. We've been together a year and a day now but the last two months have seen more fights than the previous ten. We're currently working as a long distance relationship and see eachother maybe on average once a month for a few days, sometimes more sometimes less. I grew up middle class or lower, she's been I think has been denied little over her life, and I've tried to maintain that for her but it feels like a lot of the time I'm over exhausted with bending over backwards to make her happy and lately it hasn't been working.

The biggest issue right now is our conversations, they're starting to flounder. I mean after a year of mostly phone calls being the only means of contact we've covered and discovered more about eachother than I think a lot of other couples get to that quickly. Now i've been making efforts to continue a lively dialogue, I look up things she's interested in, find games to play as we SKYPE-date, give her jokes, take pictures specially for her, buy her autographed memorabilia of her favorite EVERYTHING (scripts, bands, authors) along with the usual jewelry, sexy things, practical things. And a lot of the time I feel she is making little or no effort to engage me/ my attention, a lot of the times she just says "Hi........" with a long pause, now i don't mind getting a few texts like that a day because it means she's thinking about me, but it feels like that pause is charged with an expectancy of her waiting for me to deliver something, a joke a poem ( of which i've written her literally hundreds) a topic of discussion, basically waiting for me to do something and never (maybe i should say RARELY) offering anything herself other than what she did that day. Now the problem has escalated into this : Lately she's been starting arguements about issues that I didn't even know existed, for instance, the other night we were talking late or rather mumbling to eachother whatever and she says she's gonna go to bed, then ten minutes later after i'm pretty much asleep she says she wants to dirty talk and I say "ahhhh naw let's just sleep we both need to get up early and i'm really tired" (i work 10 hours a day then work out a few more) and like I said it was late.

She didn't like that, she promptly got pouty and hung up in a huff. She soon sends a scathing text about how I ALWAYS turn her down, when in actuality it's been maybe the third time in a year where I just didn't want to and she's done it to me a like number. (Also does any other guy find it REALLY REALLY annoying when your girlfriend uses ALWAYS and NEVER to describe the things you do wrong or don't do right when it's probably just that once or twice? It angers me to no end because it makes me think that all the stuff I do do right all the effort I put into seeing her smile is just forgetten and discarded... anyways)

I go to bed without a word figuring to let it be and we'll both wake up refreshed. My mistake. The next day she calls and I answer happily "Hello sweetheart!" and she's quietly speculative as if doing a silent countdown before she can say what's bothering her. And she does letting me know that when i turned her down it made her feel like a sad desperate whore. This is a shock to me since I had no intention of making her feel that way, we were both tired and spur of the moment dirty talk at 2am doesn't always sound wonderful to me. Now this fight as lasted, 7 hours now and has blown up to issues totally unrelated to it and I'm wondering if her starting fights or getting frustrated and angry with me is her way of salvaging our floundering conversations. I suspect she starts fights because she either likes to feel the way she does, upset and righteously angry at me. Or she's doing it because she can't think of anything else to do and the sometimes boring dialogue we exchange makes her angry. Maybe she thinks that i'm bored and will leave her so if she gets mad at me for something than she's in control. I don't know. And I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry if anything is unclear or doesn't flow properly if there's any advice to be had out there please lend it and if my post needs clarification please ask and I'll do my best to address it.

-Z

p.s. I should add that my post makes her out to be a high maintainance snobby woman. That's hardly true, nor is the seeming fact that i'm a completly blameless good guy. We've had genuine fights where each of us has done something wrong, hurt the other person some way and we've gotten through it. But these fights lately have seemed to have no purpose and no real genesis, and it's hard to keep apologizing if I don't know what i'm apologizing for and if I don't really think I did anything wrong. I've been having to swallow my pride a lot recently and it tastes terrible. Which is why i'm reaching out here. Thanks.





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