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HELP Folks!
Aug 8, 2011
[B][/B]Hi Everyone,

I'm 24 years old and I've been in a relationship for almost 10 months now. It's my first relationship where I've been intimate, vulnerable and with someone for the long-term. It was and sometimes still is so new to me. My last "relationships" were more the typical "guy plays girl" scenario where nothing serious ever amounted and he always left me...

Anyway, flash back to last October - I meet this wonderful man who is now my boyfriend. I'm so used to my solitude and being single and doing my own thing but am not at all opposed to being 'all up into each other' which we were. I became very used to and loved it. We still spend a lot of time together. I live at home with my family (soon to be moving out in October w/ a girl friend) and he lives alone.

I've learned a lot about myself over past months. How evasive I can be in conversation and non direct (which I'm working on!) and truly opening up. I'm honest but it's difficult for me to open up about my feelings whereas he is so open and honest and gentle with me.

For the past few months, I've noticed changes in my behavior so I'm really trying to own up to it and get input so I can make the changes needed to make a lasting relationship.

I've been upset if my BF doesn't check in every few hours.
I've been upset when he doesn't understand what I'm going through at home. (Whole other story)
I've been upset over him not being affectionate enough (not initiating sex, hand holding, kissing) - I know we're much more comfortable now so it's not all ooooey goooey.



The Strange thing is, I had never imagined myself to be like this or thought I had the capacity to be like this. It's terrible behavior on my end and i know that. I've always been so easy going and free and never realized I could be jealous of his time. When we've had conversations about all this, he always feels like He's doing something wrong and I honestly hadn't a clue as to why I was creating this drama but feeling sad at the same time.


I've been thinking about this a lot over the past week and I feel like the root of this problem is my past "relationships" and the fear of being left by the other, like what happened in the past. Times like those always made me feel as though I was never good enough for the other and I know I've at times (to no fault of my bf) felt like I wasn't good enough even though I know in my heart that I am. It's like I keep regurgitating S**T and past memories and experiences are coming back to haunt me.

I really want to remedy my behavior. But it's not all in action but in thought. How do I stop myself from acting and thinking as though something is wrong and just be the fun loving gal he met.....

sincerely,

Insecure.
Re: HELP Folks!
Aug 8, 2011
Hi, I agree with what Maya Angelou said "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

:)

This is what exact has happened and I was doing before with my current boyfriend, and fortunately my boyfriend has been so patient and understandable.

Ok, so here is the deal, If you nag him, for not being there, give him so much pressure questioning him, or being upset coz of something he hasn't done enough, etc he will pull away as fas as he can. The more you make the drama, the more he run. Guys not a big fans of a drama. BUT, If you acting cool, while you actually has a lot in mind, just talk to him nicely, telling him how you feel, what you think is going with your mind, ask him for an advice, He will listen and maybe will give you an advice or compromise with you, or even great he will explain to you why he did all the things you questioning him about.

As I always said in some threads, relationship is about two person, two character, two life, heading in one direction, for one goal. The most important thing is growing up together, honest, and open communication. however, we also have to realize that nobody's perfect, not even you.

I agree with SingleHunter, communicate with your boyfriend, discuss about it. If he belong with you, he will understand that and compromise it with you, as i said before. Otherwise, you know the answer. :)

What I've learned in my current relationship, is being patient. I am an independent one when I was single, but I realize independent doesn't mean anything when it comes to relationship. Coz we are actually very insecure and afraid to lose someone again. This is the fact that we can't resist. The fact that we are missing that someone everyday, every hours, every minutes... So what should we do? I let the feeling go, just let loose, let it go, and always tell to myself, if he is for me, he will come look for me, he will care. I find something else to do such as read the article, forum, replying like this, playing some games, working, watch movies, and have my own time. The more I love myself, the more he come and look for me, the more he loves me.

One day he told me that he actually he knows that i miss him so much, and he explain to me that it's not that he didn't want to reply or look for me or not being affection, but that just mean he is in the middle of something, and he wants me to respect myself. The more I respect myself, the more he feels he needs to appreciate me. So when he didn't come/call to look for you doesn't mean he doesn't care, when he is not being affection doesn't mean he doesn't love, It's just what it is, both of us have different life, it's just he wants to show me that he also have life, and he hope I have my own too. and when I do that, he said thank you that I do the same at what he do.

Hope this can help you. Be strong! just be cool :) we better angry at ourselves than put that anger to somebody else, right? :D Goodluck!





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