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Relationship Health Message Board

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HELP Folks!
Aug 8, 2011
[B][/B]Hi Everyone,

I'm 24 years old and I've been in a relationship for almost 10 months now. It's my first relationship where I've been intimate, vulnerable and with someone for the long-term. It was and sometimes still is so new to me. My last "relationships" were more the typical "guy plays girl" scenario where nothing serious ever amounted and he always left me...

Anyway, flash back to last October - I meet this wonderful man who is now my boyfriend. I'm so used to my solitude and being single and doing my own thing but am not at all opposed to being 'all up into each other' which we were. I became very used to and loved it. We still spend a lot of time together. I live at home with my family (soon to be moving out in October w/ a girl friend) and he lives alone.

I've learned a lot about myself over past months. How evasive I can be in conversation and non direct (which I'm working on!) and truly opening up. I'm honest but it's difficult for me to open up about my feelings whereas he is so open and honest and gentle with me.

For the past few months, I've noticed changes in my behavior so I'm really trying to own up to it and get input so I can make the changes needed to make a lasting relationship.

I've been upset if my BF doesn't check in every few hours.
I've been upset when he doesn't understand what I'm going through at home. (Whole other story)
I've been upset over him not being affectionate enough (not initiating sex, hand holding, kissing) - I know we're much more comfortable now so it's not all ooooey goooey.

The Strange thing is, I had never imagined myself to be like this or thought I had the capacity to be like this. It's terrible behavior on my end and i know that. I've always been so easy going and free and never realized I could be jealous of his time. When we've had conversations about all this, he always feels like He's doing something wrong and I honestly hadn't a clue as to why I was creating this drama but feeling sad at the same time.

I've been thinking about this a lot over the past week and I feel like the root of this problem is my past "relationships" and the fear of being left by the other, like what happened in the past. Times like those always made me feel as though I was never good enough for the other and I know I've at times (to no fault of my bf) felt like I wasn't good enough even though I know in my heart that I am. It's like I keep regurgitating S**T and past memories and experiences are coming back to haunt me.

I really want to remedy my behavior. But it's not all in action but in thought. How do I stop myself from acting and thinking as though something is wrong and just be the fun loving gal he met.....



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