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There are several things that bother me very deeply about this.

1.) I mentioned it earlier in this thread - one night after the truth had came out the first time, I told her how disappointed I was in her that she would even let another person speak to her, even though he knew she was married. I made it very clear that he must not be much of a man if he is doing this. She didn't say much about it, when clearly it is wrong. With what I saw this past friday with the continued texting, she obviously still doesn't care.

Another thing that flat out makes me mad..

2. I did not have a phone conversation with this guy, only text. I have never met him in person. Back in August when the crap hit the fan that day, she gave me his number. I proceeded to text him; I was upset with him and it showed. I did everything but threaten him. I was actually pretty polite about it given the circumstances. He said he'd never talk to her again, apologized, etc. I made it clear to him that she was married (as if he didn't already know) and that he was not only messing with her but my entire family, and that I wasn't going to have it. I was firm. I [i]thought[/i] he understood. The way he picked up and started talking to her again like that never even happened angers me very bad. And the fact that she started replying back like nothing ever happened makes it worse. I can't really go and threaten him or take action against him if my wife is just as guilty..

I am still very hurt by the things she said and I am still struggling with whether or not this is simply an emotional affair (to get attention) or if it is serious. I have read every single reply and taken them to heart. I know if I was looking in from the outside I would think very differently, but being the one in the relationship and the fact that we have a child makes me fight for all it is worth to try and save it. I'm just not exactly sure when to make the right move.

No texts were sent over the weekend. She said that she would talk to him on saturday, when they left their conversation on friday afternoon right before she got home. Nothing was said all weekend. I suspect I may see something today.

Over the weekend, on saturday afternoon, I took her somewhere quiet where we could talk. I brought up the relationship and how it was going. She is clearly unhappy with me and she is able to express that much, but as far as being detailed, it is not clear. It mostly centers around the daily grind of life as we know it, and the routine. I do know that much. She has a very bad problem with communication. She always has. We operate on two totally different levels sexually as well, and I have a much higher drive than she does. This is probably our number one problem. I work with the issue as best as I can, but it is very frustrating sometimes. When we first got together three years ago, she was incredible in the bedroom. As time wore on she got worse and worse. Now, it is so bad she doesn't even hardly participate. Friday when they were texting back and forth, he made advances to her. You probably read that in my reply. She said that she would like to, but wasn't sure it was a good idea because it would only complicate things further. She then said that it had been along time since she enjoyed it..

I guess the reason I am hanging on so hard is because of my values. My parents were divorced when I was 3, and I grew up with fueding parents and constant problems with step parents and step siblings. I don't wish that on my kids for anything in this world, and I have made a promise to myself that if I could help it, my kids would be raised with both their mother and father present in a loving home. That way, hopefully, we raise our children with those values.

On my wife being a Godly woman..She was raised in the same church she still attends some sundays. The same pastor has been there every since she can remember. Her parents are very involved in the church, and it shows in her character. Obviously this behaviour as of late does not reflect it. When my wife and I were married, we did not agree on church. That has always been one of the biggest wedges between us. We come from two different denominatios, although we are both Christians. I have pretty much gotten to the point where I never go, and she just goes by herself and takes our daughter. Her father has significance in the church as well.

When she was talking about our relationship problems to the guy she was texting, he advised her to talk bout it with someone. She said that she hadn't talked to anybody but him and thanked him for listening to her problems, etc. He then told her to talk to her parents, and that's when she made the comment that everybody in her family thought the we (my wife and daughter and I) were a perfect little family and she didn't want to let anybody down. It's just a guess, but I imagine her father would be pretty upset with her if she were to mention to him she was considering splitting up with me.

I thought I might talk to him myself about the situation, but I don't know if I should. I know that he could talk to her, and probably put some sense back into her, because she respects him deeply. After all it is her decision, but maybe she needs some guidance. That would have to be about the hardest thing I have ever approached my father-in-law with. Still debating on whether or not to do that. I know that I could talk with him and it would not be shared with her mother, but still I feel I should tread lightly. Showing him the proof (in texts) would be the only thing that would make my approach to him valid, and I'm not sure I want to share with him the kind of activity and behavior she is exibiting. He would be pretty hurt. I even considered talking to her church pastor, and letting him talk with her, but I would rather talk to her father first I believe. I would rather not announce this to anybody I don't have to. I am very embbarrased about it.

After we talked saturday, we gained a little bit of ground. I tried to explain to her the importance of communication. One of the problems I see we have is that when she doesn't like something, she doesn't say anything. Instead she lets it go to the point where she gets into the position she is in now. I tried to explain to her the importance of communication and telling each other about the issues we each have so that we can take steps to resolve them. When we left, she seemed to act a little differently and of course exclaimed her love for me all weekend. I just really hope she is being honest. I really hope what she was telling the other guy about not being in love with me was only a statement with no real meaning. If she is lying, she is doing an excellent job.

The way somebody can lie to your face is unbelievable. Honestly mind blowing. Throughout my pain and aguish over the situation, I am able to maintain my control and feelings though because I have an inside view. As much as it hurts, I do consider to be better off knowing what she is saying to someone else. It could be the difference in whether or not our relationship survives in my opinion. Just think about if I hadn't known, it could slip away and I would never even know she was communicationg with someone else.

I am a guy, and I am not stupid. I can pretty much bet that based on the guys actions he has no interest in my wife emotionally; just a lust thing. I could be wrong, but that is what I see. I feel like my wife is actually believing him when he says he insn't like that, and that alone will suck her in and she will do something she may regret..





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