It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Well I had a long talk with her the other night and she finally came out and told me what was going on. I couldn't stand myself, and I couldn't hold back the fact that I knew something was up. As it approached bedtime I went in the other room, just because I didn't want her to see how upset I was.

She eventually came looking for me. I was sitting in the living room on the couch in the dark, and she seated herself in the recliner beside me. I told her I knew something wasn't right, and she became all defensive. She began to ask me how I knew something wasn't right. I maintained my calm (suprisingly) because I figured it would make her talk.

The first thing I did was ask her if she would lie to me. She said no, and then I asked her again about the doctor appt. There was a long pause, and she said no. I had just caught her in a lie, so I approached that. She defended it by saying "everybody lies every now and then." I basically todl her, a lie is a lie, no matter what it is about.

I asked her if she was happy in the marriage. She said "for the most part yes". I asked her what was missing, and I got no response on several occasions. I then took that opportunity to expalin to her how I knew what was going on. I told her that this was not my first rodeo, and I had been in several relationships before and had been cheated on (she already knew this, I was just stating that again). I told her that the first time I was naive and never saw it, it took somebody pointing it out. The second time I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it. The point I made was that I knew the signs, and I knew for a fact she had been displaying some of those signs for a week or so. She immediately interjected and asked if I thought she was cheating.

I told her no, I was just trying to make a point. After I made the point that I knew what the signs were, I asked her again. What is missing from our marriage? She finally admitted that even though I tell her I love her all the time, she feels like I don't. She feels like I don't really mean it, and that I am just going through the motions. I had been accused of this before in past relationships, so I knew right away where it was going. Problem is, I don't quite understand it, because I feel like I do a good enough job showing attention and love.

I then asked her if she would look outside our marriage for what was missing. She replied with "Maybe". I again maintained my calm, but continued to slowly dig deeper. I asked her, "would you look to someone else (meaning another male) to find what was missing?" She replied again with "maybe". I then asked her, "have you looked somewhere else for what is missing?" There was a long slence and I had to repeat the question. I got the same "maybe" response. This means "yes" at this point, it is just a way for her to not actually say it.

She got really upset, almost like she realized she just admitted her guilt and was waiting on my reaction. I simply told her that I was disappointed, but that I didn't blame her. Once she realized that I was "ok" with the confession, she opened up a tad more. I aksed her what had been talked about, and she told me that they had been texting each other back and forth for about 2 weeks, and that they had been talking about me. I asked what about, and she said they had talked about our problems, and some other stuff. She didn't really go into alot of detail. She did say that he had wanted to meet up with her, but she had declined, and that nothing had happened except for texting. When i asked his name she told me "you don't know him". Even though I do know the guys name and a few things about him. He is the same age as me. I of course didn't admit that I knew.

Once that was all out in the open, I took the opportunity to vow that I would try to fix whatever it was that was lacking and move forward to put it past us. She of course ran with that idea because it removed her side of the problem, so to speak. We mostly made up and were very close that night. I felt a sense of relief and I imagine she did too. The best part to me was that I didn't have to admit that I had been through her phone, or checked up with the doctor's office.

Well the next day came which was yesterday. I felt good most of the morning, but after lunch I started to feel bad feelings again. Feelings I can only describe as regret came over me, and I wondered what the night before's mending had really done.

1. My first concern is that I may have made a bad move by showing her that I was not that upset about it and that I understood. I think to myself and feel like this only A) opens the door further for her, and lets her know that I am not worried about it, or B) the consenquences are not gonna be that bad if something worse does happen.

2. These fellings progressed on into the night. I did pretty good at acting like myself, and we interacted like normal, if not well throught the night. The feelings only got worse when I noticed that she still would not leave her phone alone, and although she wasn't texting, she was watching it like a hawk. Every where she moved, she took it with her. By her side every minute. This sent me into panic. If this situation had been resolved the night before, why was she still so watchful of her phone?

When bedtime came, she approached me for physical contact and the dread came over me. I could not help but bring it up again, and told her that I wanted to tell her something. I explained that the trust I had that was there is somewheat missing and it may take a while to get it back. Upon this type of conversation her mood quickly went south. She again became defensive and we started to argue.

Even though I hadn't asked for it, she offered no proof (if there was even a way that there could be some) that she had stopped talking to this person. I felt like I needed that before I had more closure. I asked her if she had talked to him and she said no, but how do I know that? If you remember, the texts that she admitted to herself as being sent and received were gone..How do I know she hadn't been texting all day, and just deleting them..And even worse, what if I was made ot be the laughing stock of the conversation..example: "He finally approached me with it, but he seems ok with it, so lets just keep talking!" And then she deletes it never even happend.

I told her that I was just pretty upset that a guy who knew she was married still tried to get into our lives (her life) and obviously didn't have an issue with the fact that she was married. She didn't have much to say about this, and this concerned me. I then told her that even worse, I felt it was terrible that she would even let him try to come in given the cirmstances. Even through my strong expression of feelings about how bad this was, she just seemed indifferent. Kind of like a "well, you deserved it" type of attirude.

I am now in the position that I never wanted to be in. It never crossed my mind that she would do something like this, and the major issue is that now the trust is gone on my part and there is a major wedge between us now, a major wedge in my mind. Where it was once easy to love and trust her, now I have to deal with this mess in the back of my mind. It's hard to live with myself knowing what has happened, and I can't seem to shake the sudden onset feelins of inadequacy and low self worth.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:56 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!