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Update

From last year after I cheated my boyfriend and I went through a lot. He was having me up through the night telling me he was going to leave and he would leave and then come back. This happened a lot as what I had done really broke his heart. He then got very angry with me and kept chucking this guy in my face all time.
I found it very hard to let go of this guy and was still in contact with him by email. Also we spoke on chat and he asked me to move to his country. I said no and then beginning of the year I finally let go. Cut all contact with this.
So my boyfriend and I were alright but we did have other issues to deal and we been going out a lot. I would say my boyfriend has changed as he was starting to help with our son and helping doing housework. As he was self-employed but he was not getting enough jobs and stopped to looking for something that would give him regular income instead of casual work.
It had been alright between us.
Then a few weeks ago he got a new job and now it seems like to square one again. I mean he was starting to help me a bit and was being a bit more supportive. I know he got to work but he kind of been telling everyone he done this for himself. Just seems very selfish and said to me I must get a job. But our whole situation is complicated to go into but I can't work right now due to the fact our benefits maybe cut. Although I would like to go back to work but it's just difficult.
My mum got ill so had to go look after and he started being a bit horrible because he was waiting for start date for this job. He was telling me you got to come etc. In the end it turned out he had training just near my mums the only thing was we had to take our son out of school nor 4 days. Then my mum was getting back to herself and he was finishing training and we went home.
I just now feel he has just left me with everything. He is like not interested in the bills. They are in his name but we have a lot of advice from telling us to go CAB. But ever since he started working he just come home relaxed and now he has been sleeping all day. I suppose with me feeling down within myself I am feeling a bit jealous.
But he just has come across selfish as he is talking about buy a new mobile phone and other stuff and I am like we need to sort bills out.
Then during the time my mother was ill I was contacted by this guy inviting to be his friend on a business site. I was thinking this has come at a worse time as I just kept ignoring the invitation. Last week I was confused about this guy felt I wanted to talk to him but as I was feeling low and on the medication put it down to that aswell.
Then I sometimes feel I am better off alone and I stupidly been chatting to this guys online as I have felt lonely but they all are aware I am in a relationship it's just nice talking to new people. But I am tempted to contact this guy and I just don't know why I still have the what if I did get in a relationship maybe my life would be better. All this weird thoughts going round and round in my head. I have managed not to give in and contact him directly but I sometimes have to look at his picture on his site. I know he is not good but really don't know why I can't get him out my head.
Then last night I had a horrible dream about my boyfriend and it really upset me. He had this friend he was helping but I caught them kissing and it really hurt. Now last time I dreamt something like this about my boyfriend I was the one who cheated. I do fear he will now because he often says he wants to get me back. As he is working a lot this is playing on my mind.
I been told he a good man and I won't get anyone better than him. But inside myself I feel no I can get a better guy than him. But the in reality as I have a son with my boyfriend another guy would not help this situation. Sometimes I want to escape my current situation and I latch onto another guy to do so. But instead it make matters worse.Due to being very down I booked in to see a talking therapist as I need to find out why I do latch on to guys save me. Deep down I know I got to get myself out of the mess and I know at the beginning of meeting a guy it may seem good but when you have kids it does change everything. I've got to much going round my head.
I am talking to these other guys and as I said they all know I am in relationship but worried as I don't want to do this to myself again. Latch on to a guy and make this mistake. I know everyone goes through is the grass greener on other side but this gut feeling always telling me I can do better.
Advices please so confused.





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